Hollander Space

I love small town news

2010-08-24T22:01:00.000-07:00

Disturbances
• At 12:40 p.m. Friday, several men were hanging around the Commercial Street entrance to the Wells Fargo bank in Astoria. They were making noises and harassing patrons. Astoria police responded and the men moved on.

• At 4:39 p.m. Friday, a woman reported that four to five men were asked to leave the Wells Fargo bank, 1218 Commercial Street, in Astoria. They left, but then came back and started yelling at her. They were last seen heading east-bound on Commercial Street.

• At 10:55 p.m. Saturday, a group of six or seven "gypsy people" were reported behind the Mini Mart at 95 W. Marine Drive. The caller reported that they were urinating behind the business and riding skateboards.

• At 6:03 p.m. Friday, Astoria police responded to a report that the men who were harassing Wells Fargo customers earlier in the day were seen in front of the Liberty Theater. The officer checked the area, but didn't find the men.

• At 6:27 p.m. Friday, an Astoria police officer stood at the ready while Wells Fargo employees left the bank for the day. The men who had been harassing them were across the street.

• At 11:55 p.m. Saturday, a Warrenton Police officer arrested Dustin R. Crabtree, 27, of Astoria, in connection with a disturbance. Earlier, a person reported they were jumped by two men and one woman (described as "punk") near the South Jetty Inn, 984 Pacific Drive.

• At 12:27 a.m. Sunday, a fight was reported at the High Climber Tavern in Knappa. It broke up while the caller was on the phone. The reported participants left the bar.

Stabbee'

2010-08-22T20:59:00.000-07:00

I hated it when they hired Stabby the Clown for my birthday party. Clowns are scary enough to begin with. He came in all loaded, smashed my cake all to shit, and took mom's beer. Then some asshole had to go and give him a knife. All the kids were screaming "Ahhh I don't like Stabby!" There was blood every where and we had to continue the party in the ER. The operating room did look quite festive with all those pink and yellow and dripping red balloons though.

illusion

2009-08-18T21:30:00.000-07:00

Wow. I almost forgot this blog existed.

Hmm...

Since we are not physical beings having a spiritual experience, but spiritual beings having a physical experience - I am not really here. Either are you, or anyone or anything else. The universe is after all just a figment of its own imagination.

Yes, I ripped off Douglas Adams for that last bit.

The Coolest Chorus

2009-02-23T16:07:00.000-08:00

Papa was a rolling stone
Where ever he laid his hat was his home
And when he died...
All he left us was
Alone

Lissa Holding Up Well

2009-02-09T20:32:00.001-08:00

2009-02-09T20:30:00.000-08:00

2009-02-09T20:13:00.000-08:00

Fireman spots house on fire
Warrenton Fire Department responds to blaze Thursday; extensive damage done to home

The Daily Astorian

WARRENTON - Being in the right place at the right time came naturally to John Shepherd, a captain in the Warrenton Fire Department.

As he drove by a house at 1211 N.W. Warrenton Drive Thursday at 3:20 p.m., he noticed smoke.

He immediately radioed for help - right at the same time a neighbor was calling 9-1-1.

More than a dozen firefighters responded, but it took about three hours to put out the fire and clear the scene.

The fire did extensive damage to the house, which is owned by Deone Lahodny and occupied by her mother and stepfather, Linda and Paul Selvy Sr.

Paul Selvy was the only one home when the fire started. He escaped uninjured, but the family's three cats died, according to Shepherd.

Shepherd happened to be driving by the small one-story structure when he saw smoke. He said Selvy was unable to call 9-1-1 because the only phone was in the front bedroom where the fire started.

According to a witness, Lahodny bought the house about a year ago and had been renovating it. New appliances and furniture were destroyed.

Warrenton Fire Chief Ted Ames said more than a dozen firefighters responded and were on scene for about three hours. During that time, Warrenton police assisted by closing the road, and people traveling between Warrenton and Hammond had to take a lengthy detour as a result.

Pacific Power also responded to the fire to turn off the electricity to the house.

Ames said the small one-story house sustained extensive fire and smoke damage and may be a total loss.

The county's fire investigation team is meeting today to determine the cause of the blaze.

2008-12-26T10:53:00.001-08:00

2008-11-12T18:54:00.001-08:00

I'm Back

2008-11-12T18:37:00.000-08:00

2008-11-10T23:20:00.001-08:00

Elvis sings Sweet Melissa

2008-11-10T22:43:00.000-08:00

My body and mind hurt so badly lately. I can't have sex anymore, not with you, not with anyone. I love you too much to lose you over that so while i'll be completely faithful to you, I am willing to share you with other women so that you can satisfy your physical needs. Then we met sweet, young, Melissa...

We're caught in a trap
I can't walk out
Because I love you too much baby

Why can't you see
What you're doing to me
When you don't believe a word I say?

We can't go on together
With suspicious minds
And we can't build our dreams
On suspicious minds

So, if an old friend I know
Drops by to say hello
Would I still see suspicion in your eyes?

Here we go again
Asking where I've been
You can't see these tears are real
I'm crying

We can't go on together
With suspicious minds
And we can't build our dreams
On suspicious minds

Oh let our love survive
Or dry the tears from your eyes
Let's don't let a good thing die

When honey, you know
I've never lied to you
Mmm yeah, yeah

Jesus loves You!!!

2008-11-09T11:16:00.000-08:00

Yep. That's what we all need - some more of that old-timey, down home religion.

Slideshow: Rival monks brawl at the Church of the Holy Sepulcher JERUSALEM – Israeli police rushed into one of Christianity's holiest churches Sunday and arrested two clergyman after an argument between monks erupted into a brawl next to the site of Jesus' tomb.

The clash between Armenian and Greek Orthodox monks broke out in the Church of the Holy Sepulcher, revered as the site of Jesus' crucifixion, burial and resurrection.

The brawling began during a procession of Armenian clergymen commemorating the 4th-century discovery of the cross believed to have been used to crucify Jesus.

The Greeks objected to the march without one of their monks present, fearing that otherwise, the procession would subvert their own claim to the Edicule — the ancient structure built on what is believed to be the tomb of Jesus — and give the Armenians a claim to the site.

The Armenians refused, and when they tried to march the Greek Orthodox monks blocked their way, sparking the brawl.

Police spokesman Micky Rosenfeld said police were forced to intervene after fighting was reported. They arrested two monks, one from each side, he said.

A bearded Armenian monk in a red-and-pink robe and a black-clad Greek Orthodox monk with a bloody gash on his forehead were both taken away in handcuffs after scuffling with dozens of riot police.

Six Christian sects divide control of the ancient church. They regularly fight over turf and influence, and Israeli police are occasionally forced to intervene.

"We were keeping resistance so that the procession could not pass through ... and establish a right that they don't have," said a young Greek Orthodox monk with a cut next to his left eye.

The monk, who gave his name as Serafim, said he sustained the wound when an Armenian punched him from behind and broke his glasses.

Father Pakrat of the Armenian Patriarchate said the Greek demand was "against the status quo arrangement and against the internal arrangement of the Holy Sepulcher." He said the Greeks attacked first.

Archbishop Aristarchos, the chief secretary of the Greek Orthodox patriarchate, denied his monks initiated the violence.

After the brawl, the church was crowded with Israeli riot police holding assault rifles, standing beside Golgotha, where Jesus is believed to have been crucified, and the long smooth stone marking the place where tradition holds his body was laid out.

The feud is only one of a bewildering array of rivalries among churchmen in the Holy Sepulcher.

The Israeli government has long wanted to build a fire exit in the church, which regularly fills with thousands of pilgrims and has only one main door, but the sects cannot agree where the exit will be built.

A ladder placed on a ledge over the entrance sometime in the 19th century has remained there ever since because of a dispute over who has the authority to take it down.

More recently, a spat between Ethiopian and Coptic Christians is delaying badly needed renovations to a rooftop monastery that engineers say could collapse.

Change is in the AIr

2008-09-05T19:57:00.000-07:00

Watched the RNC until I puked (took all of about ten minutes) So the Repugs want us to elect them to Whitehouse so that they can fix the fuck ups of the corrupt government over the last eight years?

What?!?

Aren't THEY the corrupt government that screwed us in the first place? Man, you gotta give those fuckers credit for having 500lb brass balls at least.

Attack, ATTACK, ATTACK !!!

2008-08-25T20:22:00.000-07:00

Thank god things are as shitty as they are. The Republican machine has gathered together such strength in its evil over the last several decades that the sheep who laughingly call themselves voters would be too comatose to see it otherwise.

The Libertarians are self-centered assholes so no one takes them seriously. The rest of the so called third party candidates are one or two issue candidates at most.

Democrats? Please. They are so stupid they actually believe not only in their own line of bullshit, but also in the basic goodness and smartitude of the ameriKan sheeople. Even with rising unemployment, an extremely unpopular war, inflation we haven't seen since the Ford administration, gas prices seeming like a bargain since they went DOWN to $3.88 per gallon, Obama can barely beat out that insiped fuck McCain.

Get a clue from the Karlrovians people. Attack, ATTACK, ATTACK !!!

McCain is old.
He is feeeble-minded
He is out of touch and an elitist boob
He was a POW - over thirty fucking years ago - since then he has fucked U.S. veterans
He is in the pocket of so many lobbyists that he has turned into a giant lint ball
He sucks big oil's cock so much that he shits raw crude
He is a robot and will have sex with our women
His birthday totals up to 666
He just had a stroke from using too much crystal meth

It doesn't matter what fucked up bullshit we make up about him. The ameriKan sheeople will believe it just enough to vote him down and put in the black man. Until they shoot 'im dead anyway.

FOR ME

2008-07-23T22:35:00.001-07:00

And when they've given you their all
some stagger and fall
After all its not easy,
Banging your heart against some mad bugger's wall

Her Wishes

2008-07-23T21:10:00.000-07:00

Cremated, not buried so no one has to bear the cost of a coffin

Music - Sara McLachlan - In The Arms of an Angel, Eric Clapton - Tears in Heaven, Pink Floyd - Goodbye Cruel World

Pastor - Jason or Andy

Church - Mom's

Ashes - part to Chuck, part to mom. Small part given to her girls in two matching heart shaped pendants

Service - Christian. Let people stand at random from their seats to speak. Chuck gives eulogy

The Final Favor

2008-07-23T20:58:00.000-07:00

It had been more than 10 days since she unceremoniously up and left me and my house. I wondered when I might hear from her. I knew she would ask for something outrageous. Maybe to borrow a thousand bucks so she could start dealing heroin? Maybe to be her first john in her new profession? I had no idea, really.

'I have something huge to ask of you'

Yep, here it comes, hold on buddy!

"What is it, my dear?'

'I'd like you to be in charge of my funeral arrangements. Please take that burden from my mom. She won't be able to deal with it. I know I can trust you to follow through with the job and you'll see to it my final wishes are fulfilled even though you'll be a fucking basket case when you lose me.'

'What music do you want?'

OMG I posted this two days after I met Beca the Hitchhiker

2008-07-16T23:51:00.000-07:00

My Tarot
You Are The Moon

You represent the unconscious side of life, what happens in dreams.
You are capable of great genius - but also of great madness.
Emotions tend to be primal for you, both your fears and your fantasies.
Your intuition is always right, listening to it is the difficult part.

Your fortune:

You are about to embark on a very important journey - and a very difficult one.
Some of your deepest dreams will be realized, as well as some of your deepest nightmares.
Follow your creativity and visions; stay away from your weaknesses.
You are taking a voyage to the center of yourself, and you may be pleasantly surprised by what you discover.

As A Matter of Fact, There are 6 Reasons

2008-07-16T23:27:00.000-07:00

1. I feel guilty that you have been risking your life, your freedom, and your reputation to be with me

2. I feel guilty that you sacrifice so much for me and have to completely support me financially.

3. I feel I am ruining your life. If I step aside it will open the gate to allow some other woman who truly deserves you to step in.

4. I am too emotionally unavailable to provide you with any support when YOU need it.

5. I feel torn in two because my best friend and my boyfriend can't stand each other.

6. This relationship is the closest I have been to anybody since Gary. (Father of her children who committed suicide in jail seven years ago)That makes me feel vulnerable and that scares the hell out of me.

Page 1, Paragraph 1 - very rough draft

2008-07-11T19:20:00.000-07:00

I had no particular reason for making a right hand turn as I pulled off of old Highway 101. I just did. Could have just as easily turned left to head into Astoria. I just didn't. The simple task of depositing a check into the bank account was all there was to do that Monday. Seaside, in november, is as dead as small town America can get. The one hot, young, hitch-hiker bustling down the road was easy to spot even though bundled up against the wind...

Hi, thanks for stopping. do you think you can get me to the food stamp office by
5:00?

Lets see, its 25 miles away and we've got eleven minutes....lets try!

My name is Beca. so what's your story? You single, married, got a girlfriend?.........

Beca the Hitchhiker - First Drafts

2008-07-11T12:03:00.000-07:00

The Break-Up Talk

I'm sorry. I can't meet your needs. I'm trying but I just can't. I'm incapable of it. And you deserve to have someone in your life who can meet all of your needs.

You know how people are, and you know the stereotype. When I'm gone people who are close to you are going to tell you that I have been using you all along. I want you to know that I've never used you. I have been with you because I wanted to be with you. Lately though, I feel like I am starting to use you. You don't deserve that, so I think that its best that I leave now before that happens.

The Break-Up Talk ( An Aside)

I hope you realize how much love and respect I'm showing you by doing this.

You're showing me love and respect by breaking up with me?

Yes. With every single other boyfriend I've ever had, I simply disappeared in the middle of the night. I can't help it, its my nature. I'm a runner.I can never face emotional turmoil. But out of love and respect for you, I had to stay around to tell you. You have been so good to me that I just couldn't do that to you.

The Beginning - Post Sex Talk

Look at me. I want us to look each other straight in the eye. You...are a wonderful man. You deserve everything. You have a good heart. You're kind, considerate, and loving. You're bright and funny, you have an awesome personality. You're good looking, and good in bed. I want to be sure that you know that!

On The Road (Finally, Again)

2008-04-04T23:43:00.000-07:00

So man, I've been fully immeshed in living the heroin (not so) chic lifestyle. Or, well, living on the fringes of it. Jesus! I can never tell what is real, what is illusion, what is a little or a whole bunch of both. She is at the 29th day of a 30 day transitional program for indigent hospital room escapee's. So to speak.

Remember that god-awful rut I was in a couple of years back? Man, I kicked the fuckin' shit outta that. I feel like I've been a heroin junkie for years, and I've never even touched the shit. She has taken me on an endless rollercoaster ride of terror and delight. The blow jobs alone were worth the price of admission, and man there is so much more.

When I get through with this wonderfully insane, loving, ass-kicking, tender, take no prisoners, sexy, lying, cheating, incredibly sweet, smart, rippin' my soul out by the balls, woman - I am gonna have material to write about for years to come.

Heroin with an Aftermath chaser

With you there is no path of least resistance
Resistance has shattered your mirrored walls
One shuttered eye now a million eyes unblinking
Naked to the flaming Sun

Harvey Korman - Rest in Stitches

2008-04-02T22:32:00.000-07:00

A Few Great lines

2008-04-02T16:55:00.000-07:00

Well, I ain't here to show ya ma dick! (Sam Elliot - Roadhouse)

I guess the fortune teller's right. I should have seen just what was there, and not some holy light (Natalie Imbruglia - Torn)

...light my candles in a daze, cuz I found God (Kurt Cobain - Lithium)

Look into my eyes. Your soul is stained with the blood of innocents. Feel their pain! (Nicholas Cage - Ghost rider)

And the people bowed and prayed, to the neon god they made (Paul Simon - The Sound of Silence)

I have made my Decision - Obama

2008-02-16T07:20:00.000-08:00

I have heard, and read, so many arguments between those who choose Hillary and those who choose Obama. Really, folks, it makes little difference. ALL politicians use the same exact rhetoric, and refuse to plainly and simply lay out the blueprints for their actual plans once elected. Voters simply read into it whatever they want to hear. Hell, W had a good sounding line of bullshit back in 2000. He was for "uniting", bringing "respectability back to the Oval Office", "fairness in taxation", "more jobs", "more affordable health care". Who could argue with that? Now we all know what we really got with the whole W package. It was all Orwellian double speak. As for Hillary and Obama, I'd like to (for once) see some nuts and bolts planning with real numbers added in for fun. It ain't gonna happen during campaigne time. Regardless, we will have someone in the Whitehouse who is far superior to that scrub we have had for nearly eight years. I vote Obama because he seems "fresh" and Hillary has so much baggage to lug around during the fall.

Ah Dammit Anyhow

2008-02-11T11:25:00.000-08:00

So I read over at kona's blog that we are still destroying the planet, even if we drive vehicles that burn bio-fuels. dammit. I just found an EH-85 station five miles from home (versus the 45 miles to Longview or the 100 miles to Portland)

I might as well be driving a rig powered by whale blubber and dolphin fins. I'm such a putz.

Something Stupid - Just For You

2008-01-13T14:29:00.000-08:00

The Last Man on Earth Is Not Alone

2007-12-27T18:23:00.000-08:00

I loved the 70's version when I was a kid

The new version was even better

Welcome to the Holiday Ball

2007-12-22T11:02:00.000-08:00

I'm Green, so shut up already!

2007-12-09T15:16:00.000-08:00

Benefits.
Compared to gasoline only vehicles, flex-fuel vehicles produce:
Lower carbon monoxide (CO) and carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions
Lower levels of hydrocarbon and non-methane hydrocarbon emissions
About the same or lower oxides of nitrogen (NOx) emissions
Fewer evaporative emissions because they have fewer highly volatile components
Ethanol is a high octane fuel (pure ethanol is 113 octane). It is beneficial in engines that are designed to operate on higher octane fuels
If E85 is blended with 15% gasoline, the octane level of E85 is higher than premium gasoline Performance

Found an EH 85 station in Longview, only 40 miles away versus the 100 miles to Portland. Getting closer.

Pictures of the (not quite) Perfect Storm

2007-12-07T15:45:00.000-08:00

Hurricane Who?

2007-12-07T09:23:00.000-08:00

Our storms aren't important enough to be named by anybody. We just went through three days of Hurricane whatsitsname with winds over 120 mph for 24 straight hours as just a part of the thing. The other two days the wind was only up to 100 mph. It is day 7 of the event as I write this, or day 4 of the aftermath if you prefer. We got power back at my house night before last. Most of Clatsop, Lincoln, Columbia, and Pacific(WA)counties are still without service. We got cell phone service back late yesterday, and the internet popped up about two seconds ago. Jacq sent me a text and said that Astoria was mentioned once, briefly, on the Weather Channel. I'll post this now so that people know we are alive. Internet service will be spotty at best for the next several days.

2007-11-25T14:55:00.000-08:00

Happy Xmas (War Is Over)

(Happy Xmas Kyoko
Happy Xmas Julian)

So this is Christmas
And what have you done
Another year over
And a new one just begun
And so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear ones
The old and the young

A very Merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear

And so this is Christmas
For weak and for strong
For rich and the poor ones
The world is so wrong
And so happy Christmas
For black and for white
For the yellow and red ones
Let's stop all the fight

A very Merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear

And so this is Christmas
And what have we done
Another year over
And a new one just begun
And so happy Christmas
We hope you have fun
The near and the dear ones
The old and the young

A very Merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear
War is over, if you want it
War is over now

Happy Christmas

Happy Christmas John

2007-11-25T14:40:00.000-08:00

Whaaa !!!

2007-11-16T09:26:00.000-08:00

Ducks rise to number two in the nation during bye week, but loss of Heisman candidate Dennis Dixon, loss to unranked Arizona Wildcats, will sink them in BCS poll.

Oregonians, I Love You Man!

2007-11-07T06:46:00.000-08:00

Yesterday the latest sin tax was voted down 60% to 40%. I'll update this post as election results come in today.

My Tarot

2007-11-07T06:44:00.001-08:00

You Are The Moon

You represent the unconscious side of life, what happens in dreams.
You are capable of great genius - but also of great madness.
Emotions tend to be primal for you, both your fears and your fantasies.
Your intuition is always right, listening to it is the difficult part.

Your fortune:

You are about to embark on a very important journey - and a very difficult one.
Some of your deepest dreams will be realized, as well as some of your deepest nightmares.
Follow your creativity and visions; stay away from your weaknesses.
You are taking a voyage to the center of yourself, and you may be pleasantly surprised by what you discover.

Ducks Beat #4 ASU Sun Devil's - Guarantied Rose Bowl Berth, Likely to play for National Title

2007-11-04T09:50:00.000-08:00

EUGENE, Ore. (AP) -- Picked to finish in the middle of the Pac-10, Oregon has thrust itself into the heart of national title race.

Dennis Dixon threw four touchdown passes before leaving with an injury, and the fourth-ranked Ducks defeated No. 6 Arizona State 35-23 on Saturday, their second consecutive victory over a Top 10 team.

When it ended, students poured out of the grandstand and mobbed the Ducks at midfield. Last week, the Ducks beat Southern California to set up the West Coast's biggest game of the season - Oregon was in fifth-place in the latest BCS standings while Arizona State was fourth.

On a clear, crisp afternoon in the Willamette Valley, the largest crowd to attend a football game in the state, 53,379, turned out to watch the Ducks (8-1, 5-1 Pac-10) hand the Sun Devils (8-1, 5-1) their first defeat.

Arizona State came into the game as one of five undefeated teams in major college football, with its own hopes for a national title run.

Oregon ended those hopes behind the deft playmaking of Dixon and the running of Jonathan Stewart, who ran for 99 yards, including a 33-yard touchdown.

Meanwhile, the Ducks' oft-maligned defense sacked ASUs' Rudy Carpenter eight times.

Ducks Jump to No. 3 in BCS Standings

Read the Two Posts below One after the Other

2007-11-01T11:17:00.000-07:00

Hmm...funny how these anti-gay fuckers protest SO loudly, and then one of their own gets involved in yet another gay sex scandal. A theory I heard from a psychologist is that these guys (like Larry Craig) need to have the veneer of "respectability" in order to mask their own, shall we say, deviant lifestyle. If this is true, then that church is just chock full of queers!

Father wins millions from war funeral picketers

2007-10-31T18:00:00.000-07:00

Dylan Slagle / ASSOCIATED PRESS

Soldier's Family Sues Church For Picketing Funeral
Jury: Phelps should pay $2.9 million
Church seeking mistrial in lawsuit over funeral protests

MSNBC News Services
updated 9 minutes ago
BALTIMORE - A grieving father won a nearly $11 million verdict Wednesday against a fundamentalist Kansas church that pickets military funerals out of a belief that the war in Iraq is a punishment for the nation's tolerance of homosexuality.

Albert Snyder of York, Pa., sued the Westboro Baptist Church for unspecified damages after members demonstrated at the March 2006 funeral of his son, Lance Cpl. Matthew Snyder, who was killed in Iraq.

The jury first awarded $2.9 million in compensatory damages. It returned in the afternoon with its decision to award $6 million in punitive damages for invasion of privacy and $2 million for causing emotional distress.

Snyder's attorney, Craig Trebilcock, had urged jurors to determine an amount "that says don't do this in Maryland again. Do not bring your circus of hate to Maryland again."

Church members routinely picket funerals of military personnel killed in Iraq and Afghanistan, carrying signs such as "Thank God for dead soldiers" and "God hates fags."

A number of states have passed laws regarding funeral protests, and Congress has passed a law prohibiting such protests at federal cemeteries. But the Maryland lawsuit is believed to be the first filed by the family of a fallen serviceman.

The church and three of its leaders — the Rev. Fred Phelps and his two daughters, Shirley Phelps-Roper and Rebecca Phelps-Davis, 46 — were found liable for invasion of privacy and intent to inflict emotional distress.

Award 'exceeds the net worth' of defendants
Even the size of the award for compensating damages alone "far exceeds the net worth of the defendants," according to financial statements filed with the court, U.S. District Judge Richard Bennett noted.

Snyder claimed the protests intruded upon what should have been a private ceremony and sullied his memory of the event.

The church members testified they are following their religious beliefs by spreading the message that soldiers are dying because the nation is too tolerant of homosexuality.

“God promised dire outpourings of very painful wrath, and there’s nothing more painful than killing one of your children and that’s what’s going on in Iraq,” church founder Fred Phelps told msnbc.com in a 2006 interview. “That’s what we’re preaching and the forum of choice to deliver such a message, obviously, is the funeral of the kid that’s been blown to smithereens."

Their attorneys maintained in closing arguments Tuesday that the burial was a public event and that even abhorrent points of view are protected by the First Amendment, which guarantees freedom of speech and religion.

Earlier, church members staged a demonstration outside the federal courthouse. Fred Phelps held a sign reading "God is your enemy," while Shirley Phelps-Roper stood on an American flag and carried a sign that read "God hates fag enablers." Members of the group sang "God Hates America" to the tune of "God Bless America."

Snyder sobbed when he heard the verdict, while members of the church greeted the news with tightlipped smiles.

The Associated Press and msnbc.com's Josh Belzman contributed to this report.

Wash. legislator resigns amid gay sex scandal

2007-10-31T17:59:00.001-07:00

updated 1 hour, 2 minutes ago
OLYMPIA, Wash. - A Republican state legislator who repeatedly voted against gay rights measures resigned his seat Wednesday amid allegations he had sex with a man he met at an erotic video store while in Spokane on a GOP retreat.

In a written statement, Rep. Richard Curtis of La Center said that while he believes he's done a lot of good during his time in the Legislature, "events that have recently come to light have hurt a lot of people."

"I sincerely apologize for any pain my actions may have caused," he wrote. "This has been damaging to my family, and I don't want to subject them to any additional pain that might result from carrying out this matter under the scrutiny that comes with holding public office."

Three days earlier, Curtis had insisted to his local newspaper that he was not gay and that sex was not involved in what he said was an extortion attempt by a man last week.

But in police reports, Curtis said he was being extorted by a man he had sex with in a Spokane hotel room. The other man contends Curtis reneged on a promise to pay $1,000 for sex.

House Minority Leader Richard DeBolt, R-Chehalis, said that as more "troubling" details began to emerge, "it has become clear that he can no longer effectively represent the constituents who elected him."

His resignation was delivered to Gov. Chris Gregoire on Wednesday afternoon. A Republican successor will be chosen by county Republican leaders and will serve until the 2008 election.

Numerous efforts to reach Curtis or his lawyer, John Wolfe, by phone have been unsuccessful.

Curtis: Victim of extortion attempt
Curtis, 48, told police he was the victim of an extortion attempt by Cody Castagna at the posh Davenport Tower hotel on Oct. 26, search warrant documents said. Castagna, 26, of nearby Medical Lake, told police that Curtis had agreed to pay him for sex, then reneged.

Curtis is married and has children, according to his legislative Web site. Elected to the state House of Representatives in 2004, he voted in 2005 and 2006 against a bill that granted civil rights protections to gays and lesbians, and in 2007 voted against a bill that created domestic partnerships for same-sex couples. Both measures eventually passed the Democratic-controlled state Legislature and are now state law.

Curtis was among state GOP lawmakers in Spokane Oct. 24-26 for a retreat to discuss the upcoming legislative session. He went to the Hollywood Erotic Boutique early on Oct. 26 and met Castagna, who accompanied him to the hotel, police documents said.

The two arrived at the hotel around 3:30 a.m. and had sex, after which Curtis fell asleep, according to documents released Tuesday.

Curtis alleged Castagna took his wallet and later offered to return it for $1,000. Curtis said he only had $200 and left an envelope with the money at the hotel desk, the documents said.

Police reports said Castagna allegedly called Curtis and demanded an additional $800 and threatened to expose Curtis. But Curtis had already contacted police, who listened to the call and then met with Castagna.

Ducks beat #12 USC-Serious run for National Title!

2007-10-27T20:23:00.000-07:00

DUCKS WIN 24 - 17, AND THE FANS GO WILD !!!!!

Typical Conservative Slant

2007-10-25T16:50:00.000-07:00

----- Original Message -----
From:
To: Undisclosed-Recipient:;
Sent: Tuesday, September 21, 2004 2:06 AM
Subject: Fw: Taxation:

Today's Economic Lesson in Taxation

Let's put tax cuts in terms everyone can understand. Suppose that every day, ten men go out for dinner. The bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:

* The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
* The fifth would pay $1.
* The sixth would pay $3.
* The seventh $7.
* The eighth $12.
* The ninth $18.
* The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.

So, that's what they decided to do. The ten men ate dinner in the restaurant every day and se! emed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the! owner threw them a curve.

"Since you are all such good customers," he said, "I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily meal by $20."

So, now dinner for the ten only cost $80. The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes.

So, the first four men were unaffected. They would still eat for free. But what about the other six, the paying customers? How could they divvy up the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his 'fair share'?

The six men realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being 'PAID' to eat their meal.

So, the restaurant owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.

And so:

* The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothi! ng (100% savings).
* The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (3! 3% savin gs).
* The seventh now paid $5 instead of $7 (28% savings).
* The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).
* The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings).
* The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).

Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to eat for free. But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings.
"I only got a dollar out of the $20," declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man "but he got $10!"

"Yeah, that's right," exclaimed the fifth man. "I only saved a dollar, too. It's unfair that he got ten times more than me!"

"That's tr! u! e!!" shouted the seventh man. "Why should he get $10 back when I got only $2? The wealthy get all the breaks!"

"Wait a minute," yelled the first four men in unison. "We didn't get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!"

The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

The next night the tenth man didn't show up for dinner, so the nine sat down and ate without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!

And that, boys and girls, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up at the table anymore. There are lots of good restaurants in Europe and the Caribbean.

David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D.
Distinguished Professor of Economics
536 Brooks HallUniversity of Georgia

Chuck Vanderveldt wrote:

The way taxation is represented in the below message is how our system is SUPPOSED to work in an ideal world. The republican party and mega corporations would have us all believe this is how it DOES work. There are a few twists that have been left out by the professor who wrote the metaphor below.

First of all, the first four men (the poorest) may well pay nothing for the meal. You can bet they still had to pay their share for gas in the carpool they rode over in. The richest guy at the table would make a windfall profit off of that since he owns the only oil company in town and is over charging for his goods. They would still pay a portion of the tip. Since they paid "nothing" for the meal, they were only allowed to have a wilted salad, some cold mac & cheese, and a sip of water. Serves them right, lazy-ass poor folk. Hell they only worked a 12 hour shift at minimum wage with 0 benefits to earn their meal.

Secondly, the way the government really divides up tax cuts would have the meal paid for more like this: The first four men (the poorest) would still pay nothing for their meal. However, the price of the gas they buy to get to the restaurant would increase by 50%. Since the restaurant owner is now making less profit, he would cut out the dressing on the wilted salad and switch to cheap, fake cheese on the mac. The richest guys would refuse to pay into the tip fund and the poorest 5 would have to divide up the $20 cost for that. That would mean each of the 5 poorest diners would have to pony up an extra $4 in hidden taxation.

Thirdly, while the 6th, 7th, & 8th men would pay $3, $7, & $12 respectively, the richest two diners would sneak an expensive bottle of Cognac out of the lounge and charge it to the bar tab of those middle class three.(huge federal deficit, trade imbalances, cutting funds for school lunches etc) A back door charge of probably $250 (using the same relative percentages in the example). Of course, the three middle class men wouldn't actually get to drink any of the Cognac. So for the cheeseburger and diet coke that would be served, the middle class three would really be paying $86.33, $90.33, and $95.33.

El numero Quattro, the 9th man would pay $18 and eat a pretty good steak, medium rare. He would get one glass of a medium quality red wine and a small sip of the Cognac. The richest man would be billed $59 but would complain that his fillet mignon was cooked wrong, the creme' brulet was not up to his standards and the bottle of (put your favorite expensive champagne here) was not the right year. Therefore he would refuse to pay the full amount and tell the owner to be happy with the $1.77 he is willing to give him. (97% reduction, that's about how much the IRS figures big corporations avoid paying by using loop holes in the system). Since the restaurant is now losing money (small spelling point here - it is LOSING not LOOSING) the owner would relocate his establishment to the below mentioned Europe or Caribbean (outsourcing overseas). The two richest guys would simply dine over there. The three middle class diners would now eat the mac & cheese formerly served to th! e 4 poorest and the bottom most 5 would hope like hell that the Salvation Army shelter is still open and hasn't been replace by the 2 rich guy's latest strip mall. And that is the reality of our tax system, even for smart-ass college professors with white beards and leather patches on their elbows.

Chuck

by the way, you deserve an award for this one. perfect and beautiful.

ted

Pubs are truly Desperate now

2007-10-25T08:37:00.000-07:00

----- Original Message -----
From:
Sent: Wednesday, October 24, 2007 3:04 PM
Subject: Fw: History Quiz - Lesson

Surprised me!

-------------- Forwarded Message: --------------
From:

Here is a little history lesson for you. If you
> don't know the answer, make your best guess.
> Answer all the questions before looking at the
> answers.
> Who said it?
>
>
> 1) "We're going to take things away from you on
> behalf of the common good."
> A. Karl Marx
> B. Adolph Hitler
> C. Joseph Stalin
> D. None of the above
>
>
> 2) "It's time for a new beginning, for an end to
> government of the few, by the few, and for the
> few......
> And to replace it with shared respons ibility for
> shared prosperity."
> A. Leni n
> B. Mussolini
> &n bsp; C. Idi Amin
> D. None of the Above
>
>
> 3) "(We) ...can't just let business as usual go
> on, and that means something has to be taken away
> from some people."
> A. Nikita Khrushev
> B. Josef Goebbels
> C. Boris Yeltsin
> D. None of the above
>
>
> 4) "We have to build a political consensus and
> that requires people to give up a little bit of
> their own ... in order to create this common
> ground."
> A. Mao Tse Dung
> B. Hugo Chavez
> C. Kim Jong Il
> D. None of the above
>
>
> 5) "I certainly thi nk the free-market has failed."
>
> A. Karl Marx
> B. Lenin
> C. Molotov
> D. None of the above
>
>
> 6) "I think it's time to send a clear message to
> what has become the most profitable sector in (the)
> entire economy that they are being watched."
> A. Pinochet
> B. Milos evic
> C. Saddam Hussein
> D. None of the above
>
>
> Scroll down for answers
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> &n bsp;
>
> Answers
> (1) D. None of the above. Statement was made by
> Hillary Clinton 6/29/2004
> (2) D. None of the above. Statement was made by
> Hillary Clinton 5/29/2007
> (3) D. None of the above. Statement was made by
> Hillary Clinton 6/4/2007
> (4) D. None of the above. Statement was made by
> Hillary Clinton 6/4/2007
> (5) D. None of the above. Statement was made by
> Hillary Clinton 6/4/2007
> (6) D. None of the above. Statement was made by
> Hillary Clinton 9/2/2005
> May Want to Question ...or Be afraid, Be very afraid!!
>

RESPONSE FROM HOLLANDER TEAM........................

Now, After all of the evidence of how Bush, the Republican controlled congress, and the radical religious right have continually screwed the country, you are actually going to buy in to this anti-Hillary stuff? First of all, did you investigate each individual statement and confirm that she actually said them? Then, if she did, did anyone check on the context in which the statements were made? Thirdly, I could make up a questionnaire such as this about Bush and the Republicans which would be far longer and have many times more incriminating allegations.

Is the author of this exam worried that president Hillary wants us to become a communist nation? That is what seems to be implied here. My belief is that the far more likely thing she meant (if she did say these things) is that we need to take away from the greedy, super rich, crooks of the country. People like CEO's who literally make 100 million times more money than the regular employees of a company, even while running said company into bankruptcy. I think that rather than focusing on some perceived slights against Americanism by Hillary Clinton, we ought to pay much more attention to things like - how are we going to win and end the war (which has now lasted longer than World War II), and what the hell possessed Bush to veto the SCHIP bill.

Lastly, I wonder what it is about Mrs. Clinton that makes some people hate her so much. Is it that she is a woman? A woman who refuses to keep her place, like in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant? Is it that she would like for ALL Americans to have health care, not just the wealthy and those lucky few who receive benefits through their employers? I would like to see an itemized list from anyone as to what, exactly, she has done that has supposedly screwed the country so thoroughly. My bet is, if they are truly honest about it, they hate her because she stuck by Bill when he got a blowjob in the Oval Office. Personally, I was much more offended that the Republicans spent billions of my tax dollars to investigate the President's wiener.

2007-10-23T09:27:00.000-07:00

From our dear Buddhist friends (complete with terrible para-phrasing): In good times, remember the bad in order to keep yourself grounded. In bad times, remember the good so as to give yourself hope.

Remember the Bill Clinton era, and the spring of the 21st century.

Clinton camp relishes Republicans' focus
BY TOM BRUNE | tom.brune@newsday.com
October 23, 2007

WASHINGTON - After GOP presidential hopefuls voiced jeers, snide remarks and hand-wringing warnings about a possible Hillary Rodham Clinton presidency during their recent debate, the Democratic front-runner's aides smirked.

"We can understand why they're all so angry," Clinton spokesman Blake Zeff said yesterday. "As Chris Wallace made clear, Hillary is beating each of them."

During Sunday's debate sponsored by the Florida Republican Party and Fox News, moderator Wallace said, "All of you - I repeat all of you - are losing to her in the polls."

Ducks Beat UW 55-34, Ranked #7 Nationally! Oops, make that #5

2007-10-21T08:40:00.000-07:00

2007-10-21T08:16:00.001-07:00

2007-10-21T08:12:00.001-07:00

Compassionate Conservative

2007-10-18T17:00:00.000-07:00

But ultimately, the president's demand for a far more limited extension of the existing insurance program held sway with enough Republicans. Rep. Steve King (R-Iowa) charged that "SCHIP stands for Socialized, Clinton-style Hillarycare for illegals and their parents."

Perpetrate your Violence on my Soul

2007-10-16T20:16:00.001-07:00

2007-10-16T19:44:00.000-07:00

Tumultuous.
Who asked for all this turmoil in here? It wasn't me, was it.
It was me, old friend
I thought I saw you come in, who are you again?
Just someone you once knew
Once, from long ago? Who are your friends?
I have always been with you, these others are new
Could you quiet them please, its so hard to think in here with all this noise
They aren't saying anything, little one
Please, I can't think any more. Tell them to let me be.
Only you can do that, they listen to you alone
Aren't you supposed to shield me? Make them go away!!
Try young one...speak and listen to what they say
NO, there are too many
Try
I am you, you are me, we are one but not the same. Perpetrate your violence on my soul, you cannot change my world.
They have not changed. You lost your world and you must now find your way.
But I can't move...

Repent, Ye Sinners!

2007-10-15T09:18:00.000-07:00

This coming election day we are voting on an increase in the cigarette tax. This particular tax is supposed to fund health care for thousands of uninsured children in Oregon. My first question is: What happened to the other tobacco taxes the state has levied? Wasn't that revenue supposed to go to children's health care? I take this proposed tax as a personal attack. Why should I pay for other people's children to have health care when I can't even afford any for myself? Here's an idea. Put a huge tax on Lego's and juice boxes. Then the people who have children are paying for their own damn health costs.

2007-10-02T14:43:00.000-07:00

"We weren't heroes.
We were guys who were there, and we did what we were supposed to do."
- Pete Lansford, US Marine, Iwo Jima

That, sir, is the very definition of hero.

Do Not Vote for This Guy

2007-10-01T13:37:00.000-07:00

He doesn't want Democrats to vote—unless it's to appoint him to the Federal Election Commission.
By Dahlia Lithwick
Posted Tuesday, Sept. 25, 2007, at 6:54 PM ET

Hans von Spakovsky
Another one for you to file under "fox guards the henhouse": The Senate rules committee votes tomorrow (Wednesday) on whether to give Hans A. von Spakovsky a full six-year term on the Federal Elections Commission. For Senate Democrats to even consider allowing someone with von Spakovsky's background to sit on the independent agency tasked with protecting the integrity of federal elections is beyond incredible. If von Spakovsky is confirmed, it will be yet more evidence that Democrats have no more regard for the rule of law, or the integrity of the Justice Department, than Karl Rove does.

See the whole article here

2007-09-26T14:01:00.000-07:00

2007-09-26T13:39:00.000-07:00

These two still have a great vibe Together

2007-09-17T20:47:00.000-07:00

Free The Duck!

2007-09-17T20:14:00.000-07:00

Now we know why the Duck was imprisoned and why college students were sporting tee shirts with "Free The Duck" emblazoned over a pic of the duck behind bars. Hi-Fuckin-Larious.

DUCK UPDATE

2007-09-16T03:40:00.000-07:00

I'm back from the game. Its 3 am and I am spent. Ducks thumped Fresno State 52 - 21 (That last touch down of theirs was scored in the last few seconds of the game after ALL of our starting players had been pulled out.) I'll tell ya about it when I wake up.

The Duck mascot has apparently commited some "crime" and was not allowed to participate in the activities yesterday. He did mysteriously appear on the jumbo-tron for a few minutes. I will investigate and report on these fowl doings.

Goin' to the Game

2007-09-14T20:34:00.001-07:00

GO DUCKS !!!

Most schools go with the more terrifying animals for their mascots. We've heard many people deride the Oregon colleges for having such silly mascots as a duck and beaver. Personally, I like a university that has a self deprecating sense of humor, and can still kick the living shit out of a team like Michigan.

By Ernest Miller

An interesting story about a Disney character's use as a university mascot (Donald endures in hearts of Duck fans). It was a simpler time:

The university has had a web-footed mascot since at least the 1920s, when a live duck named Puddles surfaced at football and basketball games. A duck emblem was in use by 1933, and by 1936 it was starting to look more like Donald, catching the attention of Disney officials.

In 1947, Oregon Athletic Director Leo Harris shook hands with Walt Disney himself on an agreement to allow Oregon to use Donald as the mascot. The deal was put in writing in 1974 in a licensing agreement giving the university limited use of Donald at athletic venues.

Wow. A good-natured handshake agreement for almost thirty years.

Of course, such things could not be allowed to continue:

In 1991, the agreement was expanded to allow wider use of the likeness on sweatshirts, glassware and other merchandise.

The frenzied "charging duck" pumping his fists inside a large, eight-sided letter 'O' was a ubiquitous campus logo for years. It was eventually replaced as the UO marketing machine grew and felt confined by Disney's restrictive contract, which forbids the school from selling items with the Donald Duck logo beyond the Oregon border.

Although Donald is much beloved by Oregon fans, a stylized "O" will have to do for out-of-staters.

Ah well.

So you got ripped-off by a huge corporation?

2007-09-08T07:46:00.000-07:00

Gee, what a surprise that one of those benevolent entities would do something like that! Okay. Seriously. People are steamin' mad at Apple Computers for overcharging them for their new iphones and then subsequently dropping the price. Overcharging?What? You mean you had to pay a premium for being the first kid on your block to own the new Cabbage Patch doll? That's how these things work folks. Basic 101 business classes tell you that much. A new product comes out and costs a little more at first. As more units sell, the price drops and less wealthy consumers can afford it. Later on even poor people can afford one. Finally the market is so saturated with the WB6PD that the price goes low enough for all the hillbillies to have one in every room of the trailer.

Look. If you insist on being ahead of the bell curve by purchasing the latest, greatest, whiz-bang 6000 plus deluxe, the nano-second it comes out, you are going to pay more for the privilege of being a yuppie puke. I noticed a lot of television personalities whining about the supposed scam, including the normally thoughtful and wise Keith Olbermann. How much do you guys make in salary? You're bitching about a couple of hundred bucks. If I had your wealth I'd be spending that much on tips after lunch, you selfish jerks.

Now I've said my piece and will let you go. I'm sure you need to get in line for the next Star Wars movie. They haven't produced one yet, but hey, you'll be the first geek in line when they do. Be sure to bring your heel-less Skechers, your designer water bottle, your iphone, your ipod, your wii, and your crack-berry. Its gonna be a long wait to be first.

Judge Voids F.B.I. Tool Granted by Patriot Act

2007-09-07T16:59:00.000-07:00

By ADAM LIPTAK
Published: September 7, 2007
A federal judge yesterday struck down the parts of the recently revised USA Patriot Act that authorized the Federal Bureau of Investigation to use informal secret demands called national security letters to compel companies to provide customer records.

The law allowed the F.B.I. not only to force communications companies, including telephone and Internet providers, to turn over the records without court authorization, but also to forbid the companies to tell the customers or anyone else what they had done. Under the law, enacted last year, the ability of the courts to review challenges to the ban on disclosures was quite limited.

The judge, Victor Marrero of the Federal District Court in Manhattan, ruled that the measure violated the First Amendment and the separation of powers guarantee.

Judge Marrero said he feared that the law could be the first step in a series of intrusions into the judiciary’s role that would be “the legislative equivalent of breaking and entering, with an ominous free pass to the hijacking of constitutional values.”

According to a report from the Justice Department’s inspector general in March, the F.B.I. issued about 143,000 requests through national security letters from 2003 to 2005. The report found that the bureau had often used the letters improperly and sometimes illegally.

Yesterday’s decision was a sequel to rulings by Judge Marrero in 2004 and a federal judge in Connecticut in 2005, both of which enjoined an earlier version of the law. Congress responded last year by amending the law in reauthorizing it.

The earlier version of the measure barred all recipients of the letters from disclosing them. The amended law changed the ban slightly, now requiring the F.B.I. to certify in each case that disclosure might harm national security, criminal investigations, diplomacy or people’s safety.

The law authorized courts to review those assertions, but under extremely deferential standards. In some cases, judges were required to treat F.B.I. statements “as conclusive unless the court finds that the certification was made in bad faith.”

In yesterday’s decision, Judge Marrero said that the revisions to the law did not go far enough in addressing the flaws identified in the earlier decisions and that in fact they created additional constitutional problems.

Recipients of the letters, he wrote, remain “effectively barred from engaging in any discussion regarding their experiences and opinions related to the government’s use” of the letters. Indeed, the very identity of the Internet service provider that brought this case remains secret.

The judge said the F.B.I. might be entitled to prohibit disclosures for a limited time but afterward “must bear the burden of going to court to suppress the speech.” Putting that burden on recipients of the letters, he said, violates the First Amendment.

The decision found that the secrecy requirement was so intertwined with the rest of the provision concerning national security letters that the entire provision was unconstitutional.

Judge Marrero used his strongest language and evocative historical analogies in criticizing the aspect of the new law that imposed restrictions on the courts’ ability to review the F.B.I.’s determinations.

“When the judiciary lowers its guard on the Constitution, it opens the door to far-reaching invasions of privacy,” Judge Marrero wrote, pointing to discredited Supreme Court decisions endorsing the internment of Japanese-Americans during World War II and racially segregated railroad cars in the 19th century.

“The only thing left of the judiciary’s function for those Americans in that experience,” he wrote, “was a symbolic act: to sing a requiem and lower the flag on the Bill of Rights.”

Lawyers for the American Civil Liberties Union, which represented the Internet company, said Judge Marrero had confirmed a bedrock principle.

“A statute that allows the F.B.I. to silence people without meaningful judicial oversight is unconstitutional,” said Jameel Jaffer, an A.C.L.U. lawyer.

Judge Marrero delayed enforcing his decision pending an appeal by the government. Rebekah Carmichael, a spokeswoman for the United States attorney’s office in Manhattan, said the government had not decided whether to file one.

2007-09-01T17:05:00.000-07:00

Happy 17th Birthday, Allanah!

2007-08-30T15:41:00.000-07:00

The Girls are Home!

2007-08-28T23:23:00.000-07:00

Boy, I didn't realize how much I missed them.

Watch it Georgie, They're a comin fer ya!

2007-08-26T01:00:00.000-07:00

I am you, you are me, we are one but not the same. Perpetrate your violence on my soul, you cannot change my world.

2007-08-26T00:57:00.001-07:00

Those Who Anger You, Control You

2007-08-22T12:51:00.000-07:00

Beware those false friends and pseudo-lover's. They will worm their way into your life, your heart, your psyche. They will lure you with bits of hope, then reel you in for the kill. Once they have you, you are nothing more than a kitty toy for them. They will crush your dreams, smother your soul, and make you doubt your very humanity. Let them weave their contentions on their own. Let it be.

Vegas, Baby!

2007-08-21T08:40:00.000-07:00

The front entrance to our Hotel

Back entrance to the Luxor

Fremont Street Light Show

Cindy and Mirilla drinking a James Tea Kirk at Quarks Bar

The four of us (plus two random people and the men's room attendent)

So we made a spontaneous trip to Las Vegas over the weekend. Man we crammed in a lot of stuff. By far, our favorite place was Dick's Last Resort Bar located inside the Excalibur Hotel. The staff there is made up of the biggest dicks you will ever see. Its their theme. I asked the bartender to take a pic of the four of us from my cell phone. He was very polite about it, a little TOOO polite. Then when I downloaded it to my computer I noticed the two totally random people he sneaked into the shot, and the men's room attendant, and Shawn pinching Mirilla's nipple. I laughed so hard I damn near puked!!

Legend Has It

2007-08-09T16:24:00.000-07:00

Lesbian character to Nick Nolte's character in some movie: "Just because I'm a woman, and a lesbian, doesn't mean I'm any different than any other person you know. Why can't you treat me with the same regard you have for all your other friends? Why can't we sit down and have a beer together and bullshit, like you do with them?"

Nolte: "Nice tits you got there, buddy."

I Love Belated Birthday Presents

2007-08-04T08:20:00.001-07:00

And I am a Giver, too

2007-08-04T08:00:00.000-07:00

Its a Family Tradition...

2007-08-04T07:15:00.000-07:00

I am torn somewhat by the idea of the family unit being paramount in society. I, myself, belong to a largish family and have a need for that. I also think that American society does not value the individual. WHA...?????, you say? Yep, that's right. I am a 46 year old, single, heterosexual, man. I was unceremoniously thrown out of a long term relationship not all that long ago. Now that I have been dating, playing the field, and enjoying a bit of promiscuity, I am getting pressure from many people I know to choose one woman and "settle down".

Have you tried being a 30 something year old, childless, woman lately? Talk about society viewing you not only as a pile of shit, but they usually add on an element of craziness or evil. A woman I know had a tubal ligation done when she turned 36, having never had a baby first. This allowed her to have (gasp) unmarried sex without the worry of birth control. The people around her have expressed their sympathy over her inability to bear children so many times that she wants to shoot them. " I DON'T WANT ANY DAMN CHILDREN" she will finally scream at them. That is her right, but people think there is something wrong with her because of her beliefs.

My theory is that, other than ancient tribal coflict, most of the ills of the world today stem from overpopulation. We are a pack of wild dogs fighting over every scrap of food, oil, medicine, housing, pussy, you name it. In a world run by hiz-imperial-holiness-great-smiling-chief-king of all he fucking survey's, Charles Vanderveldt, childbirth would probably not even be allowed for a decade or two. There are enough orphans throughout the world to supply most every family with any number of kids they may need.

I wish that American society would at least accept that a family does not have to be one man and one woman getting married and springing off 2.2 children and a dog. Family is what you make of it. The tribal unit can be made up of any type and variety of individuals. As dear Kuzzin Joe likes to say, "If friends are the people you choose to be your family, then family is the people with whom you are forced to be friends".

2007-07-27T09:21:00.000-07:00

Beautiful Words, Now Act

2007-07-27T09:20:00.000-07:00

A comment of mine from Ted's blog

2007-07-17T09:29:00.001-07:00

These are the times when EVERYONE gets mad at me. I believe each of you has taken a valid, yet narrow, point of view and accentuated it. I agree that this is not a war for oil. The oil robber barons didnt need to do that to get richer. Actually, the first Gulf War was for oil, and I didn't hear anyone bitching about that. Uh, yeah, we were saving poor little Kuwait out of the kindness of our big government heart. Look at a map of the Middle East - Kuwait was obviously meant to be a part of Iraq, at least geographically speaking.

This current war was for political gain and power here in the homeland (when did we start talking like 18th century Russians). There was also an element, within the American people, who truly believed that we are fighting for freedom and against terrorism. I agree with Jon that Islam is not a "religion of peace" Christianity, Judaism, and most religions are not any damn thing of peace. Honestly, I can't tell you the difference between a Sunni and a Shi'ite either, just as people from other regions probably can't tell you the difference between a Catholic and a Baptist.

Over the years I have met, interacted with, and befriended, probably 50 Arabic Muslims. Of course they were each individuals, with their own personalities, with positive and negative points. There were many more similarities than differences amonst them, however. Without fail, every Muslim I have ever met was happy to utilize the tremendous resources America has to offer, while at the same time speaking derisively (sp) about our "decadent" culture. Speaking just of the people I personally know, it is not a far leap from the disgust and contempt they held America in, to blowing up a couple of really tall towers full of people. I have the same contempt for Islam as I do for most every other organized religion.

Now I also agree with Ted that we need to get working on some major diplomacy, fast. We need to deal with Middle East countries from a position of power. That means we have to end our dependence on foreign oil immediately. It is also our policies, and our very presence, in fact, that is causing a lot of the unrest in the area. Not only do we need to pull our troops out of Iraq, we need to pull everything out of the entire mideast. Without oil in the mix, the US wouldnt give a rat's ass about how these countries run their affairs. They could all go back to the days of raiding each other's tribes on camel back. I find it astounding that the middle eastern countries have been so sophisticated, for so many centuries, that they gave us things like our modern numeral system; yet they are still so backwards that they treat women as slaves. Quite a paradox, it seems.

2007-07-11T15:35:00.001-07:00

For Lovely Jacqueline

2007-07-08T14:04:00.000-07:00

Dear friends, please take a moment to pay your respects to our beloved Jacq. Her mom passed away yesterday, and she could use our support and love.

O'Really ?!?

2007-07-07T12:41:00.000-07:00

I was watching the O'Reilly Factor for a couple of minutes yesterday. Two minutes is usually all I can take without puking. This time around I was mesmerized by what I saw and heard for a full five minutes. That's how weird this episode was. The "big man" himself was not present. They had a three-way split screen "discussion" going on about Muslims in America being lumped together in one group we like to call terrorists. The pro Muslim guest was a British Muslim, the anti Muslim guest was your typical American white guy, and the moderator was an Asian woman. The pro Muslim man talked about his anger at a quote by someone that basically called all Muslims a "cancer in our midst". The moderator glared at him and said "Isn't it true that ALL Muslims look so alike that we therefore cannot tell the good ones from the bad?" The Asian woman said this??????? To the British Muslim??????? While the AmeriKan laughed?????? It could have been an extremely bad Twilight Zone episode.

Happy Birthday Hollander

2007-07-06T00:06:00.000-07:00

Phil Ochs - I aint marching anymore

2007-07-05T07:52:00.001-07:00

Attention: New Voting Requirements Instituted

2007-07-02T08:29:00.000-07:00

I was reading a post over at Simply Left Behind that was, in part, about how stupid some American voters are. This has inspired Hollander to come up with a new voting system and a set of requirements necessary in order to participate. Every four years each citizen will take a set of mandatory tests that gauge their emotional maturity, experience, knowledge of recent world history, and their IQ. The emotional maturity standard will be set at that of a sixth grader. We know that is twice as high as most voters currently have, but we believe this is an achievable goal. For experience, it will be considered essential that each potential voter has traveled a minimum of 35 miles outside of their hometown, and stayed there at least 24 hours in order to expose themselves to foreigners and their strange ways. Knowledge of current world history will include events of today, last week, and last summer. We know this will tax most Americans short attention spans, but think it is necessary to have well informed voters. Now we come to the most vital part of the testing. Once the potential voter has demonstrated expertise in the prerequisite areas, he will then be allowed to take the IQ portion of the test. All persons who pass the tests will be forced to take part in the voting process. Once the voter's level is determined he will be led to the voting booth and the votes will count on a weighted scale, thusly:

IQ level 99 and below: not allowed to vote
IQ level 100 - 120: 1/2 vote on local matters, 1/4 vote on national matters
IQ level 121 - 130: 3/4 vote on all matters
IQ level 131 - 140: 1 full vote on local matters, 1 1/2 votes on national matters
IQ level 141 - 150: 2 votes on all matters
IQ level 151 - 160: 3 votes on all matters plus negates 1 vote from the US south
IQ level 161 - 170: 3 1/2 votes plus person of voter's choice performs oral sex
IQ level 171 - 180: 4 votes plus voter is appointed to the office of Vice President
IQ level 181 and above: You are obviously not an American and are, therefore, not allowed to vote

The conservatives have come up with a planned "revitalization" of the voting process as well. We give them kudos for their efforts, but think it is unnecessarily complex and just a little harsh. It is based on class, money, geographical location, and job description

Homeless: Taken out and shot

Mentally Ill: Put on a charter bus and dropped off in the middle of the night in Astoria (either Oregon or New York)

Illegal Alien: 1 vote but only on Bush immigration policies

Guy who scoops up horseshit in parades: East coast 0 votes, West coast 1/8 vote

Janitor: 1 vote but has to clean up the polling place afterwards

Accountant: 0 votes in Northeast, 1/2 vote in other blue states, 2 votes in red states, 12,000 votes in Texas

Carpenter: Decides what type of wood to use to build polling place, except in southern US where he decides what type of wood to use to build gallows since slavery was just reintroduced

Truck drivers: Northern tier drivers get one vote but will not be allowed time off to visit polling place. Southern tier drivers will be given 1 vote in each state they drive through

Lawyer: Prosecutors 5 votes (except in south where it will be 1864 votes) Defense attorneys will be taken out and shot with homeless

Judges: Activist liberal judges hanged, activist conservative judges get as many votes as they wish and an airport named after them

Military personnel: Get to vote on what meal is served when Condi Rice visits their mess hall on yet another wartime Christmas

Doctor: 1 vote but must have prior authorization from insurance and pharmaceutical companies

Rich guys: millionaires - one million votes, billionaires - one billion votes...
Rich gals: decide which color scheme to decorate the mansion for the upcoming social season

GW Bush: however many votes Dick and Daddy tell him he gets

Karl Rove: 1 vote, but that cancels out ALL other votes

Now we hope this brings some needed clarification to the process. We here at the Space believe that either plan is workable. It is up to you, the American (or AmeriKan) voters, to decide which system will be best for you.

July Freedom

2007-07-01T08:39:00.000-07:00

7 signs your sweetie may be cheating

2007-06-25T19:51:00.000-07:00

I was in a reflective mood this evening. I realized as I looked back that I had all of these things happen to me within the last couple of years. So where was this handy little guide to the faithless back then? Well, maybe it will help someone else now.

Sign #1: Your sweetie keeps you a secret from his/her family & friends
Sign #2: Your sweetie is emotionally absent
Sign #3: Your sweetie says he or she wants a no-strings-attached romance
Sign #4: Your sweetie admits to cheating on exes—and justifies the betrayals
Sign #5: Your sweetie has never been without a mate
Sign #6: Your sweetie tells lies about little things
Sign #7: Your sweetie brags about his or her sex appeal

Dog Shit I Have Known

2007-06-25T11:01:00.000-07:00

Let me tell you the dog shit story. Growing up I lived on a tree farm and the only company I had was my family and our animals. A little later when I started first grade, I was approached by this kid named Tony Trabbucho. He told me that he and I were going to be best friends and he laid out an outline of all the wonderful things we were going to do together over the coming years. This dissertation even included our double wedding ceremony when we found the right girls. Just a couple of months into the school year the nuns decided that I was too young for first grade and talked my parents into holding me back a year. When I started up again the next school year, Tony was now a second grader and I was crushed when he told me we could no longer be friends because he was now too sophisticated to hang out with a mere first grader. This was my first experience with "friendship" and it has had a life-long effect on me. I hated that guy for treating me like that. In fact, I STILL have animosity for him.

Now we flash forward to third grade. A new kid came into town named Dan Connelly. We developed a superficial friendship. If we had been older we would probably have been out having beers together. One day at recess Dan stepped in a large pile of dog shit. Immediately all the kids started laughing and teasing him. I didn't really see what the big deal was. As I said, I grew up on a farm and I stepped in one kind of shit or another at least once a week. I came very close to running off with the other kids, but I saw the look on Dan's face and I recognized that he felt the same way I had when Tony had so cavalierly killed our friendship. I was the only child on the playground who stayed by Dan's side, both figuratively and literally. He thanked me profusely and I saw the enormous relief on his face when he realized that at least one person was there for him. It felt good to make such a positive difference in someone's life. I decided at that moment that I would always strive to be the best possible friend to each and every person who came into my life.

Over the next several years I made a lot of friends. Without fail each one told me I was the best friend they ever had. I also discovered girls and sex. By junior high school I was quite popular. I was smart, funny, a great friend, and the cute new guy. You saw my football picture. It was during that time. I honed my friendship skills and could make a friend out of almost anyone. During my seventh grade year I took the biggest bully in the school from hating me and wanting to kill me, to being, naturally, my best friend.

Now high school is where things took a turn. As I told you before, the popular kids who had adored me in junior high now shot their derision at me once I stopped playing football and started hanging out with people they deemed to be unworthy. That's when I met my friend Dan Grafton and Cindy & Mackie. After my experience with these people and Tony, I decided at that time that friendship was mostly a bunch of crap. Dog crap to be precise. I also determined that while I was an excellent friend for people to have, the reciprocation was never there. Not once has anyone been as good a friend to me as I have been to them. Then the worst possible thing started to happen. I allowed myself to become good friends with several women. Always it was the same. Whatever they needed, I was there for them. If they needed a ride, the car keys were already in my hand. If they needed company at their family reunion, I was already wearing the appropriate clothing. Mostly, anytime some awful MAN hurt their feelings, I was there to pick up the pieces. After the crying was over and my shoulders were all wet from them lying their heads upon them, they would run back to whichever scrub had hurt them in the first place.

You see? I have always been the reliable, safe, caring guy. Women like those things but they are not the traits that attract them to me as a lover or any kind of a romantic partner. Its always, without fail, the edgy, somewhat dangerous, aggressive guys who end up taking the girl home after the big dance. And ol' reliable Charles, Chas., Chucky, whomever, is there when it all falls apart. Until the next edgy, dangerous, domineering man shows up in the picture. That is why I can no longer allow myself to be "friend" with a woman. The relationship may not be exclusively romantic, or in certain cases even sexual at all, but it cannot be what is considered a traditional friendship. To me a friendship is where two guys go out and have beers together. Everything else needs to be defined in alternate terms.

Go Away, Hillary Clinton!

2007-06-22T23:09:00.000-07:00

This is a post the staff here at The Space wrote up nearly a year ago. Remember at the time that Obama was not so clearly in the picture. He may be that alternative to hillary we were looking for. This all original content post is reprinted here along with all of the comments posted by our dear readers and contributors. - Ed.

SUNDAY, APRIL 23, 2006
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED !!!
How many thousand days has it been since George W. Bush declared that on the deck of an aircraft carrier? How much war has been waged since? Exactly how wrong is history going to show him to be on that score? Will the war in Iraq and the war on terrorism ever be fully won? We will know all of the answers eventually. That IS NOT what this post is about, however.

We liberals must not make the same mistake in declaring premature victory in our quest to bring fairness, equality, honesty, and translucense to our federal government. The editorial staff here at the Space has been hearing a great deal of trumpeting about the impending Democratic victory in the mid-term elections and even in the 2008 presidential race. It is MUCH too soon for popping champagne corks folks.

We need to ask ourselves, "What are our goals here, what are we trying to accomplish?" While the neo-cons and the radical Bible thumpers like to accuse us of being unpatriotic, bleeding heart, W-hating, tax and spender's - we know better. Our goal in the past was to dig out the truth about the crooked administation that Bush has set up. It was to force light into the dark, seedy, corridors of corruption. Thanks to their arrogance and ineptitude this has come to pass without much effort on the part of liberals. Really, did we spend 1/1,000,000,000 th of the money the Republicans did on trying to nail Bill Clinton for getting a blow job?

Mission Accomplished may now be declared on that major plank of our platform. And while the low presidential poll numbers, the continual parade of scandals, and the never-ending war mongering may well assist us in achieving our noble goals, we need to refocus now. Our goal must be to take back at least one house of Congress and the Whitehouse. To that end we must make ourselves heard by even more people. We must write even more letters to the various editors of the country. We must be sure to get our friends and colleagues fired up. Getting them to promise to vote is not enough. Regular readers of this and other liberal based blogs will not bring in enough numbers at the polls. Search out your old maiden aunties, your drunken 18 year old step son, try an old girlfriend or two. Most importantly, grab those people who have fallen victim to apathy and shove their nose in the shitty conditions of the country.

And blog, my friends, blog. I know a faithful reader or two of this very blog who believe that we cannot and do not make a difference with our efforts here. Not true. This shit is world wide. If we make a concentrated effort now it can spread in time to enable us to confidently declare MISSION ACCOMPLISHED in six months and then again in '08.

Now the staff has a suggestion for the first topic. Hillary Clinton cannot win the 2008 presidential general election. As the editor here has noted in previous posts, she is a woman; a New Yorker (of sorts); an ultra liberal; and most notably is married to that evil Bill Clinton. We can't make a change, guys, if we can't get our candidate elected. Remember how John Kerry came from the back of the pack and kicked Wesley Clark's ass in the democratic primary. Now remember what the Karlrovians did to him in the general election. We might point out that Kerry was a decorated war veteran, an accomplished senator, and popular with the liberal base of the Democratic Party.

It is the position of the Space that we somehow convince our fellow Democrats to choose an alternative. Thus far we deem the best suited to be Evan Bayh of Indiana (Thank you Rich Bachelor for bringing him to our attention). He is telegenic; has a lovely blond wife; has two adorable twin sons; his father was the beloved figure Birch Bayh; and he plays well to middle class voters. We know, we know, you want someone who is more than just palatable to the public. We say get your candidate elected, then make changes. Oh, watch out for the McCain / Gulianni ticket. Think Hillary can beat Mr. POW and MR. 9/11 ??????? You want 8 years of that??
POSTED BY JACQ AT 8:45 PM
17 COMMENTS:
cats dig me said...
I expect lots of comments here, folks. Now is not the time to become complacent!
SUNDAY, APRIL 23, 2006 10:01:00 PM
Jacq said...
Refreshing....

It's still the good old boy network. Hills doesn't have a chance, alas. Despite the numerous other countries in the world that have women presidents, the US is still not gonna let it happen.
MONDAY, APRIL 24, 2006 11:21:00 AM
cats dig me said...
Its that damn puritanical streak we have in this country. We still think that a woman is going to have PMS and nuke the world. What a buncha shit! W is far more likely to incinerate the planet.
MONDAY, APRIL 24, 2006 12:36:00 PM
Jacq said...
True, very true.
MONDAY, APRIL 24, 2006 1:41:00 PM
carrier said...
Buy the Bayh?

Bayh's our guy?

It would be foolhardy to think that because the president's poll numbers are down in April it somehow translates into victory for Dems in November. A long hot summer lurks between.

Exchanging personal liberty for corporate oppression is not the way to go. No matter how sweet our 401K's grow...it isn't worth it.

And a little bit of that liberty flies out the window with every seat filled with a Republican legislator.

Big government isn't a bad thing as long as the folks that cast votes are still pulling the strings, running the show. At this time that is not the case.

The only way to counter the clowns with the clamps on the beltway is to gridlock them. That means winning a majority in at least one house of congress.

They will steer the issues away from the national questions and try to focus at the state and local levels. We can't let that happen. That is where these ethereal pages should come in handy.
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 26, 2006 9:42:00 PM
cats dig me said...
Don't let McCain fool us any longer either. He is an ultra conservative in moderate's clothing pretending to respect the liberals. He talks the moderate talk alright, but if you look at his voting record you'll see that he rubber stamps the Bush agenda with an alarmingly high frequency. He introduces legislature in the senate that sounds great to liberals and progressives, knowing full well that the bill has no chance in hell of becoming enacted. But then he can say "Hey lookit what I did my liberal pals" and fool us into voting for him. He even had the Hollander, himself, fooled a few years ago. Take our country back now in the fall elections just in case we run into that McCain train wreck.
FRIDAY, APRIL 28, 2006 12:34:00 AM
KEvron said...
"Hillary Clinton cannot win the 2008 presidential general election."

maybe not, but what can she do for dems in '06? she may not be presidential material, but get her on the stump and she's going to help a few more dems into both houses.

KEvron
SATURDAY, APRIL 29, 2006 1:35:00 AM
carrier said...
True. She may not have the national appeal to win a general election, but the former first lady could be instrumental in rallying the democratic faithful this summer and fall.
SATURDAY, APRIL 29, 2006 8:22:00 PM
Jacq said...
I definitely don't trust McCain. Ms. Clinton has a lot of potential but I'm still leary.

I don't know, Carrier. Money still makes the US go round. That's all most people seem to care about.
MONDAY, MAY 01, 2006 11:32:00 AM
cats dig me said...
I am all for Hillary stumping about the country. She just may be able to energize those soccer moms. If what I suspect is about to happen (and I am right about these things a scary amount of the time) actually comes to pass, we may not need to worry overly much about the Whitehouse race for a time. We need to have us a house in '06
MONDAY, MAY 01, 2006 3:31:00 PM
Jacq said...
Scary? Did you say Scary???
TUESDAY, MAY 02, 2006 5:58:00 AM
cats dig me said...
Scary to those who are amongst the uninitiated. I have developed a certain intuition about these things which usually proves to be correct. One little ol' house in 06, all we need. People involved just need to get together, make a decision, and let their feelings be known. Everybody has got to be sick of all this Bush nonsense by now.
TUESDAY, MAY 02, 2006 6:46:00 AM
Jacq said...
In getting the House together, there's a lot more involved than just the decision-making. It goes deeper than that. Some need to be in and others need to know when their terms have been expired. Sometimes it takes longer than we'd like.

Looking forward beyond 2006 myself.
TUESDAY, MAY 02, 2006 1:16:00 PM
cats dig me said...
Yep, you're right Jacq. We need to prepare for 08 now. Hopefully the Dems can convince the populace their guy is the right man for the big job after throwing out any unnecessary guys from the other houses. Imagine if we do this just right we might have that house we acquire for many years to come. Then we can do some fantastic things once there is no Bush around.
TUESDAY, MAY 02, 2006 8:05:00 PM
Jacq said...
Anticipation of the unknown. Scary thing.
THURSDAY, MAY 04, 2006 1:20:00 PM
cats dig me said...
Its all in the timing. Nice thing about time? As it goes by the scary unknown factors diminish and the possibilities present themselves. I must admit a bit of trepidation about 06, but am confident that beyond that things will probably turn out fine. Imagine a world without Bush in Washington. That place seems so far away and remote, but everything that happens there affects us all huh?
THURSDAY, MAY 04, 2006 1:33:00 PM
Jacq said...
I suppose then that we should never rush to judgement or have unrealistic expectations. I hate disappointments. But the end result may please everyone if the timing is right. I believe in that for sure.

A Quiz for You (especially you, Jacq!)

2007-06-21T13:56:00.001-07:00

You are most like: Occasional User
Don't be fooled by the title of an "Occasional User". Your on your way to being a full out addict! Beware the addiction.
Take this quiz: The Quiz Addiction Quiz
Visit Toys For Your Blog.com for more blog quizzes

You are most like:

Occasional User

Don't be fooled by the title of an "Occasional User". Your on your way to being a full out addict! Beware the addiction.

Take this quiz: The Quiz Addiction Quiz

Visit Toys For Your Blog.com for more blog quizzes

2007-06-19T23:26:00.000-07:00

Mingle² - Free Online Dating

Bert Johnson - Artistic Soul

2007-06-09T08:02:00.001-07:00

Bert Johnson, a long time friend and local character extraordinaire, died last week at the tender age of 44. Rather than fill this post with tears and sadness, I have opted to share some of my favorite Bert tales. First though, to my friend I say: Bert you were the kindest, most compassionate, heartfelt, man on the planet Earth. I know you felt tremendous pain all your life. I hope you have found peace wherever you are now.

There is an annual play held in the Astoria area called Shanghaied in Astoria. It is a campy, raucous, melodrama , in which the audience is encouraged (required actually) to participate. We boo and hiss, yell and scream, make inappropriate remarks about the character's looks and heritage, and especially throw popcorn all over the theater. Bert managed to show up so drunk, and be so obnoxious, that he became the only person in the production's 3 decade history to be thrown out AND permanently banned.

There is a small town south east of here called Birkenfeld. To me it seems less like a town and more like a really, really, big tavern. Like it takes up about 3 acres. The town is so small that one citizen had the address on his driver's license listed as "the white house behind the tavern". One fine summer evening, Bert and I picked up our old friend Dave and brought him to his home town to party it up with his relatives (uh, which was most everyone in town). The entire population was there at the tavern, engaged in one activity or another. Its one of those places common in rural America where the tavern doubles as a general store, post office, realty company, drug store...you get the picture. For several hours Bert and I soaked up the local atmosphere, which consisted of country music blaring over some blown-out speakers, ribs burning away on a makeshift oil drum barbecue, and little kids sitting at 50 foot long wooden tables eating corn dogs while the adults drank copious amounts of cheap, rot gut beer. That was perfect for Bert. He liked his crowds loud and rude, and his beer cheap and yella. Now you may remember that I mentioned a guy named Dave. Dave is louder, drunker, and more obnoxious than Bert was, and that is not an easy thing to accomplish. Bert and I both kept wary eyes about this here little redneck establishment/town as we swilled down the awful beer with the citizenry, wondering what sort of drama would enfold. Early on in the night Bert found Dave's younger sister and they proceeded to disappear out to the huge, ramshackle back porch the tavern boasted. In the meantime, Dave went off to have a chit-chat with his older sister, who happened to be in the ladie's room at the time. You see where this is going, right? Yep, sure enough, no sooner was Dave all kicked back in there, when an 11 year old girl walked in to use the toilet. You could actually hear her screams over the Hank Williams Jr. song. The ensuing madness was a thing of beauty. Imagine the Jerry Springer show coupled with Benny Hill on crack, and you'll have a good picture of that wonderful half hour. The banjo player in the corner never stopped playing and kept perfect accompaniment to the melee. Now I'm not sure if it was Dave's brother bill, or his other brother Bill, who came up to me and said "Chuck, we really like you and Bert, but we can't put up with brother Dave's bullshit. You and Bert are welcome to come back in the future, but right now we need you to throw Dave in your truck and get the hell out of town" Looking up at the twenty some country boys standing around our table, I was convinced pretty quickly. Four of the biggest farm boys picked Dave up by all four limbs and literally threw him into the bed of my pick up. I slammed my beer and made a quick beeline for Bert. There he was, shorts pulled down to his ankles, with Dave's sister's ankles up over his shoulders. He didn't pay much attention to me as I ran by screaming for him to get in the damn truck, but when he noticed the entire town piling on to the porch he pulled his pecker out pretty quickly and actually beat me to the car. As we rode off down Highway 202 laughing our fool asses off, Dave cursed and screamed obscenities, and the populace of Birkenfeld stood in the parking lot and waved us a pleasant goodbye. Bert was so proud to have finally been kicked out of an entire town.

No one, not even Bert himself, knows quite how it happened. Bert got himself permanently banned from Burger King. All we know is that it happened late at night and Bert was roaring drunk. This was more than ten years ago and the ban is still in effect to this day. Fast food restaurants have a stupendously high turnover rate in their personnel and hundreds of employees have come and gone over the past decade. Still every employee there knows to bar entry to the infamous Bert Johnson.

Then there was the time when the bosses at the KOA KAmpground where Bert was seasonally employed found him passed out on their riding lawn mower. He had placed a brick on the gas pedal and tied the steering wheel to the left with some rope. He enjoyed a long nap while the mower kept making left-hand circles for hours.

You may be wondering about the pink bunny ears. Bert had the audacity to show up to one of our halloween parties without a costume. We picked this one out especially for him out of the goofy costume's box.

Better Not Cave, Dems

2007-06-07T20:02:00.001-07:00

Updated: 1:37 p.m. PT June 7, 2007
The Democratic-controlled Congress passed legislation Thursday to loosen restraints on federally funded embryonic stem cell research, but the bill’s supporters lacked the votes needed to override President Bush’s threatened veto.

The 247-176 House vote marked the second time in recent weeks that Democratic leaders chose to confront Bush over an issue on which they command widespread public support, following a veto struggle over a proposed troop withdrawal timetable from Iraq.

This time the controversy is at the uneasy intersection of medical research and politics, involving a type of cell that the National Institutes of Health says might serve as “a sort of repair system for the body.”

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif., appealed to Bush moments before the bill passed to sheath his “cruel veto pen,” and sign legislation that she said could help “save lives, find cures and give hope to those suffering.”

But the president responded quickly with a written statement that accused majority Democrats of recycling an old measure that he vetoed a year ago. Under the bill, “American taxpayers would for the first time in our history be compelled to support the deliberate destruction of human embryos. Crossing that line would be a grave mistake,” he said in a statement issued in Germany, site of a summit of world leaders.

The bill drew the support of 210 House Democrats and 37 Republicans. Despite the bipartisanship, the total was 35 votes fewer than needed to override a veto.

The Senate cleared the bill several weeks ago by a margin that was one vote short of the two-thirds needed to overcome Bush’s objections.

No suspense
There was no suspense about the outcome in the House, although personal experience punctuated Thursday’s hour-long debate to an unusual degree.

Rep. Diana DeGette, D-Colo., the bill’s chief Democratic supporter, spoke of her daughter’s struggle with juvenile diabetes. “As you can imagine, I am anxious about the idea of my child having to manage such a serious condition all by herself” once she goes to college, she said. “I share this anxiety with many parents of affected children.”

Moments later Rep. James Langevin, D-R.I., paralyzed since a gun accident severed his spinal cord several years ago, addressed the House from his motorized wheelchair. An opponent of abortion, Langevin said, “My education on this issue has filled me with tremendous hope, not only that stem cell research might one day lead to a cure for spinal cord injuries, but that one day ... families will no longer watch in agony as a loved one with Parkinson’s or Alzheimer’s gradually declines.”

Opponents of the measure said they, too, support medical research, but insisted that the use of embryonic stem cells was the wrong approach on moral grounds — and possibly not even the most promising one scientifically.

“You’re talking about spare embryos now, but if it ever did work ... it would require the killing of millions of embryos,” said Rep. Chris Smith, R-N.J.

He said a recent report by the U.S. Catholic Conference listed numerous breakthroughs involving medical research conducted with adult stem cells, umbilical cord blood and amniotic fluid, none of which involve the destruction of a human embryo.

Several opponents of the measure also cited a day-old report from scientists who said they had succeeded in turning ordinary skin cells from mice into an embryonic state.

Clear political subtext
Whatever the scientific implications, the political subtext was clear.

The stem cell legislation was one of six bills that Pelosi placed at the top of her agenda when Congress convened, and she chose to preside when the measure passed. So far, the only other measure among the six to make it to the White House was a minimum wage increase.

According to the National Institutes of Health Web site, scientists were first able to conduct research with embryonic stem cells in 1998.

There were no federal funds for the work until Bush announced on Aug. 9, 2001, that his administration would make it available for lines of cells that already were in existence.

Elected with the strong support of abortion foes and other conservatives, he said at the time his decision was designed to balance concerns about “protecting life and improving life.”

He also limited the funds to cell lines derived from embryos that were surplus at fertility clinics, and that had been donated from adults who had given informed consent

Advocates of the veto-threatened legislation argue that the number of stem cell lines available for research is smaller than needed, and that some of the material has become contaminated over time by mouse embryonic skin cells that typically are placed at the bottom of culture dishes used in the research.

The bill would permit funding for research on embryonic stem cells regardless of the date of their creation, as long as they were donated from in-vitro fertilization clinics, they would “otherwise be discarded” and donors gave their approval.

“No stem cell would ever be taken from an embryo that was not destined to be destroyed in any event,” said Rep. Mike Castle, a Delaware Republican who has long bucked his party leaders to support the measure.

The More You Tighten Your Grip, Tarkin, The More Star Systems Will Slip through Your Fingers - Princess Leia

2007-06-05T09:45:00.000-07:00

Court Rebuffs F.C.C. on Fines for Indecency

By STEPHEN LABATON

WASHINGTON, June 4 — If President Bush and Vice President Cheney can blurt out vulgar language, then the government cannot punish broadcast television stations for broadcasting the same words in similarly fleeting context.

That, in essence, was the decision on Monday, when a federal appeals panel struck down the government policy that allows stations and networks to be fined if they broadcast shows containing obscene language.

Although the case was primarily concerned with what is known as “fleeting expletives,” or blurted obscenities, on television, both network executives and top officials at the Federal Communications Commission said the opinion could gut the ability of the commission to regulate any speech on television or radio.

Kevin J. Martin, the chairman of the F.C.C., said that the agency was now considering whether to seek an appeal before all the judges of the appeals court or to take the matter directly to the Supreme Court.

The decision, by a divided panel of the United States Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit in New York, was a sharp rebuke for the F.C.C. and for the Bush administration. For the four television networks that filed the lawsuit — Fox, CBS, NBC and ABC — it was a major victory in a legal and cultural battle that they are waging with the commission and its supporters.

Under President Bush, the F.C.C. has expanded its indecency rules, taking a much harder line on obscenities uttered on broadcast television and radio. While the judges sent the case back to the commission to rewrite its indecency policy, it said that it was “doubtful” that the agency would be able to “adequately respond to the constitutional and statutory challenges raised by the networks.”

The networks hailed the decision.

“We are very pleased with the court’s decision and continue to believe that the government regulation of content serves no purpose other than to chill artistic expression in violation of the First Amendment,” said Scott Grogin, a senior vice president at Fox. “Viewers should be allowed to determine for themselves and their families, through the many parental control technologies available, what is appropriate viewing for their home.”

Mr. Martin, the chairman of the commission, attacked the panel’s reasoning.

“I completely disagree with the court’s ruling and am disappointed for American families,” he said. “The court says the commission is ‘divorced from reality.’ It is the New York court, not the commission, that is divorced from reality.”

He said that if the agency was unable to prohibit some vulgarities during prime time, “Hollywood will be able to say anything they want, whenever they want.”

Beginning with the F.C.C.’s indecency finding in a case against NBC for a vulgarity uttered by the U2 singer Bono during the Golden Globes awards ceremony in 2003, President Bush’s Republican and Democratic appointees to the commission have imposed a tougher policy by punishing any station that broadcast a fleeting expletive. That includes vulgar language blurted out on live shows like the Golden Globes or scripted shows like “NYPD Blue,” which was cited in the case.

Reversing decades of a more lenient policy, the commission had found that the mere utterance of certain words implied that sexual or excretory acts were carried out and therefore violated the indecency rules.

But the judges said vulgar words are just as often used out of frustration or excitement, and not to convey any broader obscene meaning. “In recent times even the top leaders of our government have used variants of these expletives in a manner that no reasonable person would believe referenced sexual or excretory organs or activities.”

Adopting an argument made by lawyers for NBC, the judges then cited examples in which Mr. Bush and Mr. Cheney had used the same language that would be penalized under the policy. Mr. Bush was caught on videotape last July using a common vulgarity that the commission finds objectionable in a conversation with Prime Minister Tony Blair of Britain. Three years ago, Mr. Cheney was widely reported to have muttered an angry obscene version of “get lost” to Senator Patrick Leahy on the floor of the United States Senate.

“We find that the F.C.C.’s new policy regarding ‘fleeting expletives’ fails to provide a reasoned analysis justifying its departure from the agency’s established practice,” said the panel.

Emily A. Lawrimore, a White House spokeswoman, said Mr. Bush and Mr. Cheney had no comment about the ruling.

Although the judges struck down the policy on statutory grounds, they also said there were serious constitutional problems with the commission’s attempt to regulate the language of television shows.

“We are skeptical that the commission can provide a reasoned explanation for its ‘fleeting expletive’ regime that would pass constitutional muster,” said the panel in an opinion written by Judge Rosemary S. Pooler and joined by Judge Peter W. Hall. “We question whether the F.C.C.’s indecency test can survive First Amendment scrutiny.”

GOP desperate, pull a John Kerry out of their Ass

2007-06-01T09:51:00.000-07:00

Fred Thompson, Hollywood actor and former US senator possibly going to run as GOP candidate? Hollander's views are published in the last paragraph.

Washington - He has been a lawyer, a US senator, and a TV actor, and now Fred Thompson has made it clear that he's ready to audition for the role of a lifetime, president of the United States.

The 6-foot, 6-inch Tennesseean enters the 2008 race late, but not too late, analysts say, particularly because about half the Republican electorate has indicated to pollsters that the choices so far are less than inspiring. The top tier of GOP candidates all have perceived flaws, and thus Republican activists believe room remains for a straight-ahead fiscal and social conservative who knows how to play to the cameras. The folksy, avuncular manner and Southern twang also don't hurt.

"I think Thompson is going be formidable," says John Geer, a political scientist at Vanderbilt University in Nashville, Tenn.

Former Senator Thompson has not yet formally entered the race, but has explored the possibility for months and is now hiring staff. His advisers have told reporters he will formally announce over the Fourth of July holiday in Nashville. Without spending a penny, he already places in the GOP's top tier of candidates, at times breaking into double digits. The question is how much of that early support is really a vote for "none of the above," rather than an affirmative choice by Republican primary voters.

And, as Gen. Wesley Clark learned four years ago in the race for the Democratic nomination, it's one thing to be wooed by supporters with a draft campaign, but another thing entirely to actually run and open yourself up to the scrutiny and criticism of the news media and opponents. The difference, with Thompson, is that he has political experience and a bit of a shtick, which General Clark did not. Observers expect Thompson to dust off the red pickup truck that made regular appearances during his first Senate race.

Still, he has his work cut out as he seeks to introduce himself to Americans. Even if he's a familiar face to fans of NBC's "Law and Order" as District Attorney Arthur Branch, few voters could get beyond square one on Thompson's issue positions.

"Most people don't know much about Fred Thompson," says Stuart Rothenberg, editor of a nonpartisan political report. "Some know he's an actor, some know he's a senator, [but] I don't think anybody has gone through his political record with a fine-tooth comb. He's hardly an ideologue."

In easy comparisons with the nation's last (and only) actor-president, Ronald Reagan, Thompson probably does not stack up at this stage in that he lacks the defined ideology that turned Reagan the man into Reagan the movement. Thompson, in contrast, garners attention from the figure he cuts, and less from anything he did as a senator. In his eight years in Congress, he was not known as a leader on any particular issues.

"There are plenty of people who find him intriguing or appealing, because they see in him whatever they want to see in him," says Mr. Rothenberg.

Thompson's late entry into the race also raises questions about how much he really wants to be president – and whether he has the fire in the belly to embark on such a grueling race. But, some analysts say, the fact that Thompson was not born wanting to be president, in the manner of a Bill Clinton, does not necessarily hurt him. In Thompson's case, the fact that he has spent much time considering the possibility, being thorough and cautious, could help him.

"Ronald Reagan didn't have the burning desire to be president either," says Mr. Geer. "The American public could find that potentially attractive about Thompson."

Still, Thompson will face a steep task in fundraising, as the top tier of candidates have already raised at least $10 million each. Some analysts note that the Republican field's lower fundraising totals for the first quarter of 2007, in comparison with the Democratic field's take, show that there is a great reserve of untapped GOP money out there for Thompson.

Of the top candidates in the race, former New York City Mayor Rudolph Giuliani enjoys wide name recognition but holds liberal views on social issues, which could kill his chances when voters start tuning in – especially religious conservatives. Sen. John McCain of Arizona, though a conservative on most issues, is also seen as unreliable by the Christian right. Former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney wins points for his executive experience, but his recent shift to the right also leaves some conservatives cold.

Thompson is expected to gain in the polls when (and if) he does formally join the race. And if Thompson remains competitive, showing poll numbers in the top tier, that could deter another lurking Republican, former House speaker Newt Gingrich, from entering the race. Mr. Gingrich has long hinted at launching his candidacy in September, but if Thompson catches on, Gingrich may be frozen out.

"Where is Gingrich going to go?" says Tony Fabrizio, a GOP pollster unaffiliated with any '08 candidate. "He's already 100 percent known by [the party]. It will be tough for him to gain support until other people drop out."

Who Thompson hurts in the existing field and who he helps is open to speculation. Some analysts suggest that Mr. Giuliani gains, because Thompson's entry dilutes the conservative field. But it may be that Thompson takes away from all the front-runners.

Another unknown is how effectively Thompson will use all the modern tools of communication, particularly those that involve cameras. But given his long experience in television and film, Thompson could have a leg up over the other candidates. And for a taste of the Thompson style, the video of the former senator responding to liberal filmmaker Michael Moore about healthcare in Cuba, posted on Youtube.com, is one place to start.

• Zoe Tillman in Washington contributed to this report.

HOLLANDER SAYS: My initial thoughts on this are that Thompson is a slightly better actor than Reagan, and I have no idea what his politics are other than that he is conservative. Seems to me that the Republicans are looking for someone who shares their conservative values who will also be palatable to the general American public. They are wrong. Its the same thing the Dems did in the last presidential election by picking John Kerry. The thinking is always "We REALLY like this guy so everybody else will like him almost as much, and we will win!" All Thompson will do is dilute the Republican pool of candidates (like Ross Perot did) and take thunder away from the top-tier runners. Just as with the Democrats in 2004, all the in-fighting will further deplete the energy and capital of the Republican slate. Whomever runs against the chosen Democrat will be wiped from the map (barring a major Democratic sex scandal such as Obama and Hillary Clinton getting caught screwing each other's brains out on video) Hmm...how about Clinton / Obama for '08?

Kim Basinger - Now That's a Dance!

2007-05-31T18:36:00.000-07:00

and this...

2007-05-31T18:35:00.000-07:00

Sports

2007-05-25T09:39:00.000-07:00

It is my contention that there are just too many activities out there that people like to call sports. American football is the only true sport isn't it? Let's see.

Golf. Golf is not a sport. Its men in ugly pants, walking. (I stole that from Rosie O'Donnell)

Baseball. Men having a picnic together in their pajamas while they all yearn to be safe at home.

Basketball. A meeting of thugs and reprobates.

Ice Hockey. White men bashing each other in the face with big sticks.

Lacrosse. Sounds French, 'nuff said.

Wrestling. Off Broadway theatre, dahling.

Boxing. Hockey without the sticks.

Soccer. Version Alpha - Drunken Europeans killing each other in the stands over a pointless game (often literally pointless, yay)
Version Beta - American women with funny looking hair-do's letting their urchins run around in a field for several hours to end up with a score of "fun-fun"

A Meme from Jacq - Join in, you Lay-Abouts

2007-05-23T08:36:00.000-07:00

1. What time did you get up this morning? 6:30 AM

2. Diamonds or Pearls? Diamonds

3. What was the last film you saw at the theater? I can't remember

4. What is your favorite TV show? Believe it or not, the Gilmore Girls. Mmm, love me some Lauren Graham!

5. What did you have for breakfast? Mocha, wheat bagel with garden veg cream cheese

6. What is your middle name? Edward

7. What is your favorite cuisine? Italian/Mexican/Chinese

8. What foods do you dislike? Pasta (yah, I know, it makes no sense)

9. Your favorite Potato chip? Snyder's Hawaiian Sweet Onion Potato Chips

10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? My self-made MP3 disc of 60's & 70's

11. What kind of car do you drive? Chevy Avalanche

12. Favorite sandwich? Deli Roast Beef

13. What characteristics do you despise? Extreme flip-flopperence & waffleness

14. Favorite item of clothing? Boxer-briefs

15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? West

16. What color is your bathroom? White/Burgandy

17. Favorite brand of clothing? Old Navy

18. Where would you want to retire to? Your bedroom

19. Favorite time of day? Sunset/Sunrise

20. Where were you born? Longview, Washington

21. Favorite Sports to watch? NFL

22. Who do you least expect to send this back? Everyone

23. Person who will respond first? Catsdigme

24. What laundry detergent do you use? Costco/Kirkland Signature

25. Coke or Pepsi? Regular Pepsi - Diet Coke

26. Are you a morning person or night owl? Both

27. What size shoe do you wear? 8 1/2, 10 1/2, 14 1/2. Depends on what part of the foot you're talkin bout.

28.Favorite animal? Pause

29. Any news you'd like to share with everyone?

30. What did you want to be when you were little? Big

31. Favorite candy bar? Butterfinger, dude

32. What are your favorite childhood memories? Grandpa Ted

33. What are the different jobs you have had in your life? Janitor, maintenance, bartender, liquor store clerk, Oregon DHR, park ranger, life guard, business owner...

34. What color underwear are you wearing? Black

35. Nicknames? Chuck, Chucky, Chuckie, Chas., Charles, CV, Charley, Baby, Dear, Honey,Shithead, Whiney-bitch, fuck-nut, - people are sooo imaginative!

36. Piercing? Ear

37. Eye color? Brown

38. Ever been to Africa? No

39. Ever been toilet papering? No, egging

40. Ever loved someone so much it made you cry? Happens all the fucking time - Thanks!

41. Ever been in a car accident? Yes

44. Favorite restaurant? Taste of Tuscany, Shoalwater Inn, Wendy's

45. Favorite ice cream? Peanut Buster Parfait

46. Favorite flower? Multi colored roses

47. Disney or Warner Brothers? Warner Bros Rock!

48. Favorite fast food restaurant? Wendy's

49 What color is your bedroom carpet? Murder in the 1st degree red

50. Did you take your drivers test? Yes

51. Before this one, from whom did you get your last email? Jacq

52. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Pier 1 and Lowes

53. What do you do when you are bored? Sex works

54. What time do you go to bed? As often as possible

55. Who are you most curious about their responses to this questionnaire? No one

56. Last person you went to dinner with? Mirilla

57 What are you listening to right now? The jury duty recording

58. What is your favorite color? royal blue

59. River or Lake ? Lake

61. How many tattoos do you have? None, tattoos are trashy and stupid

62. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? The chicken. A chicken is an actual chicken, an egg is a potential chicken. shut up already.

63. How many people are you sending this Email to? None. It's on my blog.

64. Who sent this to you and what is something you didn't know about him/her? Jacq - very little

65. What materialistic thing would you ask for if you had one wish to make? A mansion and a yacht.

Drunken Sots

2007-05-15T22:53:00.000-07:00

Is ther any other type of sot, really? I mean, have you ever known a sober sot? huh? Yah, I figured as much. So tonight was the annual graduation dinner for my business class. I am currently in the 8th year of a three year course. I am just that dedicated, or stoopid, whichever. This year I graciously invited (read drug their asses) my chief ecxeutive assistant/secretary/personal assistant/office manager Rachel, her funny-ass large breasted sister Heather (who I think I used to sleep with), and two of my three pseudo step-daughters to join the festivitieas.

It was quite fun watching the two younger ladies getting saused on virgin margaritas and daquiries. It was even more fun getting Heather and Rachel fucked up on the real thiung. I'm pretty sure its the only time I have ever rode in the backseat of my own vehicle. I found out I have tinted windows, a removeable rear windshield, and lots of leg room in that truck. Who woulda guessed that. I also determined that Stoli's Vanil vodka is the rockinest shit in the world, man. I have also determined something about myself. I like females.

Now I know that all the hetero guys in the world are SUPPOSED to like femalwes, but i mean I REALLY dig the feminine sex. I sat there at this semi-sorta-fun dinner and it turned into a total blast. I got to hear gossip, innuendo, dirty dirty sex talk, flirting, bitching,belching, laughing, and feighned insults to my (and everyone else's) masculinity. I got the chance to play host, date, daddy, lover, boyfroend, boss, and sugar-daddy to a group of beautiful women. I think my ego just got an erection and shot watermelon all over the first three rows of the audience, like Gallagher.

So here is my late-night, drunken tribute to all of the wonderful feamales in my life: In drunken-alphabetical order - Allanah, you are the sweetest, kindest, prettiest, most caring and loving girl a psedo-step-dad could ask for; Brenna, I am so proud of you. You put yourself out there every single day in any given situation and never show your fear, except to me, which makes me love you even more; Caroline, I've known you longer than anybody, and you've never changed. You are still that open, sensitive, 14 year old girl i met 27 years ago; Cindy, you are still an enigma to me, you have been since I developed that high school crush on you so many years ago. I still have that same crush on you now - oh mysterious one; Heather, that blend of free-spiritedness and responsibility is the biggest turn-on ever; Jacqueline, I've never fallen that fast, that hard, and that deep for anyone. I told you before that I've only bestowed the title of "the lovely" on four women in my lifetime. What I didnt say is that out of that select group, you are the one who receives the honor of "the loveliest", yes, even over Michelle; Mary, you cannot be contained. Thank you for showing me how to let go of life's responsibilities and stresses, and for loving me regardless of my current situation; Mirrila, I knew you and loved you before you were even born. I will always be there for you, till the end of your days; Rachel, you keep me sane. If it wasn't for you, I would have folded up my tent and wandered off into the desert to die more than two years ago. thanks for keeping me alive.

There are others, but these are the beautiful females who are in my life on a daily basis. I love you all.

Jury Duty - Day 1

2007-05-08T06:55:00.000-07:00

My initial thoughts as I prepare to head off to my first day of jury duty are: Its early, I'm damn tired, oh my god I AM one of those people who are too stupid to get out of jury duty. I'll let you know how it goes.

DAY 1 IS COMPLETE. I SERVED ON A JURY!

The case was semi-interesting. At least it wasn't yet another drunk driving thing. A gentleman who listed himself as a transient was accused of stealing a 1989 Camry. We had some expert witness testimony, a little CSI type evidence, and even a bit of humor. I'll go into more detail later, but for now I'll tell you the results. We found him guilty of Unauthorized Use, and Possession of a Stolen Vehicle. We found him not guilty of Theft. There was an attempt (by three women as per usual) to make me foreman of the jury. Since I have held that position many times in the past I know what a pain in the ass it can be. I managed to get another man elected and he promptly made me his "vice-foreman". Great, now I'm Dick Cheney. More on this wonderful jury later.

THE SYSTEM WORKS - WELL IT DID IN THIS CASE ANYWAY

I was just explaining in the comments section of this post how I truly believe in the American trial by jury system. It is far from perfect. There are too many "activist" judges on the bench, although unlike our conservative citizens, I believe they are activists for the agenda of the political right. Many prosecutors are over zealous and care more about conviction rates than garnering the truth in a case. The police forces in our communities are filled with power mad, hateful, Neanderthals (not EVERY police officer, but a lot of them). It is the trial by jury, I feel, that is the one saving grace of our system of jurisprudence. If the decision as to guilt had been left up to a judge and prosecutor in the case I served on, the young man would likely have been found guilty on all counts and given the harshest punishment allowed.

Let me tell you a little about the people who made up the jury I was a part of yesterday. It was made up of six men and six women. We ranged in age from 25 to 70 years old. There were no represenatives of any minority peoples, but considering they make up less than 1% of the local population that is not surprising. We had a young, female newlywed. We had two business owners (including your's truly). We had a veteran high school teacher, and a first year kindergarten teacher. We had a retired accountant. We had a construction laborer. We had an elderly housewife. We had a stay-at-home dad. We had a social worker, a bank teller, and a fisherman.

TO BE CONTINUED...

AN ESSAY IDEA STOLEN BY CATS & TOLD FROM THE MODERN MALE POINT OF VIEW

2007-05-04T16:54:00.000-07:00

Judy Syfers' essay was written for Ms. Magazine in 1971. My how times have changed
A 2007 answer to Why I Want a Wife by Judy Syfers.

Why I want a husband.

I belong to that classification of people known as husbands. I am A Husband. And, not altogether incidentally, I am a father. Not too long ago a female friend of mine appeared on the scene fresh from a recent divorce. She had one child, who is, of course, with her, not her ex-husband. After all, everyone knows that children automatically belong with their mothers, since all men are incapable of nurturing. She is looking for another husband. As I thought about her while I was ironing one evening, it suddenly occurred to me that I too, would like to have a husband. Why do I want a husband?

I would like to go back to school so that I can become economically independent, support myself, and if need be, support those dependent upon me. I want a husband who will work and send me to school. And while I am going to school I want a husband to take care of my children, do the laundry, clean the house, do the grocery shopping, and tend to all of those many tasks once accomplished by housewives back in 1971. I want a husband who will do his fair share or more of these jobs while simultaneously performing 100% of the tasks traditionally thought to be purview of the American male. He must be able to take out the trash, mow the lawn, rake the leaves, clean the gutters, paint the house, repair any appliance, and of course "perform" sexually upon demand. I want a husband who will attend to my every physical, psychological, and emotional need while he keeps his needs discreetly to himself. He must be able to divine these needs so that it is not necessary for me to actually communicate them to him.

I want a husband who will pick up after me, and keep my 400 pairs of shoes organized, so that I can change quickly to run off to whatever meeting, date, or activity I have planned. I want a husband who will understand that I am a busy professional and that sometimes I simply do not have time for him. I want a husband who will be completely faithful to me. At the same time my husband must allow me to have physical and emotional relationships with other people, so that those needs of mine that he does not fulfill are met. I want a husband who will pick up after my children, run them to soccer practice, 4H meetings, after school activities, and play dates. I want a husband who will also volunteer to coach the children's teams so that no one thinks I am married to some kind of wimp.

I want a husband who cooks the meals, a husband who is a great chef. I want a husband who will plan the menus, do the necessary grocery shopping, prepare the meals, serve them pleasantly, and then do the cleaning up while I do my studying and flirt with my online lovers. I want a husband who will care for me when I am sick and sympathize with my pain and loss of time from school. Naturally I want a husband who will suck it up like a man and go to work quietly no matter how sick he may be. I want a husband to go along when our family takes a vacation so that someone can continue to care for me and my children when I need a rest and change. I want a husband to still do all of the traditional male jobs of driving, filling the gas tank, reserving the hotel rooms, ordering and paying for the food at the restaurants we stop at, and planning every second of the itinerary. I want a husband who will not bother me with rambling complaints about a husband having to do double the duties these days. But I want a husband who will listen to me when I feel the need to explain a rather difficult point I have come across in my course of studies. And I want a husband who will type my papers for me when I have written them.

If, by chance, I find another person more suitable as a husband than the husband I already have, I want the liberty to replace my present husband with another one. In fact, I believe that I should have an entire group of potential husbands to choose from so that my needs and urges do not go unattended for even a second. Naturally, I will expect a fresh, new life; my husband will pay me a minimum of 50% of his assets, no matter how much or little I contributed to the marriage. I will take the children and he will be solely responsible for them financially so that I am left with plenty of money for me, without wasting it on the children..

When I am through with school and have a job, I want my husband to keep working, and remain at home, so that my husband can more fully and completely take care of a husband's duties.

My God, who wouldn't want a husband?