Judy Syfers' essay was written for Ms. Magazine in 1971. My how times have changed
A 2007 answer to Why I Want a Wife by Judy Syfers.
Why I want a husband.
I belong to that classification of people known as husbands. I am A Husband. And, not altogether incidentally, I am a father. Not too long ago a female friend of mine appeared on the scene fresh from a recent divorce. She had one child, who is, of course, with her, not her ex-husband. After all, everyone knows that children automatically belong with their mothers, since all men are incapable of nurturing. She is looking for another husband. As I thought about her while I was ironing one evening, it suddenly occurred to me that I too, would like to have a husband. Why do I want a husband?
I would like to go back to school so that I can become economically independent, support myself, and if need be, support those dependent upon me. I want a husband who will work and send me to school. And while I am going to school I want a husband to take care of my children, do the laundry, clean the house, do the grocery shopping, and tend to all of those many tasks once accomplished by housewives back in 1971. I want a husband who will do his fair share or more of these jobs while simultaneously performing 100% of the tasks traditionally thought to be purview of the American male. He must be able to take out the trash, mow the lawn, rake the leaves, clean the gutters, paint the house, repair any appliance, and of course "perform" sexually upon demand. I want a husband who will attend to my every physical, psychological, and emotional need while he keeps his needs discreetly to himself. He must be able to divine these needs so that it is not necessary for me to actually communicate them to him.
I want a husband who will pick up after me, and keep my 400 pairs of shoes organized, so that I can change quickly to run off to whatever meeting, date, or activity I have planned. I want a husband who will understand that I am a busy professional and that sometimes I simply do not have time for him. I want a husband who will be completely faithful to me. At the same time my husband must allow me to have physical and emotional relationships with other people, so that those needs of mine that he does not fulfill are met. I want a husband who will pick up after my children, run them to soccer practice, 4H meetings, after school activities, and play dates. I want a husband who will also volunteer to coach the children's teams so that no one thinks I am married to some kind of wimp.
I want a husband who cooks the meals, a husband who is a great chef. I want a husband who will plan the menus, do the necessary grocery shopping, prepare the meals, serve them pleasantly, and then do the cleaning up while I do my studying and flirt with my online lovers. I want a husband who will care for me when I am sick and sympathize with my pain and loss of time from school. Naturally I want a husband who will suck it up like a man and go to work quietly no matter how sick he may be. I want a husband to go along when our family takes a vacation so that someone can continue to care for me and my children when I need a rest and change. I want a husband to still do all of the traditional male jobs of driving, filling the gas tank, reserving the hotel rooms, ordering and paying for the food at the restaurants we stop at, and planning every second of the itinerary. I want a husband who will not bother me with rambling complaints about a husband having to do double the duties these days. But I want a husband who will listen to me when I feel the need to explain a rather difficult point I have come across in my course of studies. And I want a husband who will type my papers for me when I have written them.
If, by chance, I find another person more suitable as a husband than the husband I already have, I want the liberty to replace my present husband with another one. In fact, I believe that I should have an entire group of potential husbands to choose from so that my needs and urges do not go unattended for even a second. Naturally, I will expect a fresh, new life; my husband will pay me a minimum of 50% of his assets, no matter how much or little I contributed to the marriage. I will take the children and he will be solely responsible for them financially so that I am left with plenty of money for me, without wasting it on the children..
When I am through with school and have a job, I want my husband to keep working, and remain at home, so that my husband can more fully and completely take care of a husband's duties.
My God, who wouldn't want a husband?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
9 comments:
It would be incredible and quite possibly a miracle if husbands on average, really did do all those things. Other than take out the garbage, mow the grass, and occasionally do laundry, the dishes or run the vacuum without being asked.
And I can only speak from MY own personal experience of having been married for 8 years to a husband who did NONE of the above things. I worked full-time, went to school, AND came home to everything else. THANK GOD we didn't have kids. I would have been dead by 27.
God bless Judy Syfers.
Oh, and by the way, you thought of this while YOU were ironing? ;P
Oh, I just thought of something my husband did do.
He rubbed my feet and took out the garbage. That's all I got. And I really tried hard to give him some credit. Uh well.
Hats off to any husband who does go the extra mile.
I wish to reserve comment out of pure white knuckled fear.
Hmmm...I did forget to include taking care of every single financial transaction of the household, and being made responsible for each and every major decision. When my decisions proved to be wise or fortuitios WE took the credit together. When my decisions did not work out so well, I took the blame.
aw, C'mon Ted. You're a modern age man. Tough and sensitive and all that.
Oh come on, Ted. What I've said in my comment pertains to my experience. It isn't directed to you, Cats or any other man who may comment.
I'll be honest. The whole thing about communication and sharing feelings in the marriage situation would have been nice too, instead of constantly being IGNORED.
I wrote this to make one point. Men, women, gay, straight, bi-sexual, transgender - whom ever and whatever - need to communicate openly and honestly without cruelty. Everything must be shared equally and with balance. Yin is Yang, Yang is Yin. Its all one.
Buddhist monk to New York City hot dog vendor: "Make me one with everything!"
I fully agree. It sure would be nice to have it work out, though. For a change.
Post a Comment