Wednesday, July 23, 2008
FOR ME
And when they've given you their all
some stagger and fall
After all its not easy,
Banging your heart against some mad bugger's wall
Her Wishes
Cremated, not buried so no one has to bear the cost of a coffin
Music - Sara McLachlan - In The Arms of an Angel, Eric Clapton - Tears in Heaven, Pink Floyd - Goodbye Cruel World
Pastor - Jason or Andy
Church - Mom's
Ashes - part to Chuck, part to mom. Small part given to her girls in two matching heart shaped pendants
Service - Christian. Let people stand at random from their seats to speak. Chuck gives eulogy
The Final Favor
It had been more than 10 days since she unceremoniously up and left me and my house. I wondered when I might hear from her. I knew she would ask for something outrageous. Maybe to borrow a thousand bucks so she could start dealing heroin? Maybe to be her first john in her new profession? I had no idea, really.
'I have something huge to ask of you'
Yep, here it comes, hold on buddy!
"What is it, my dear?'
'I'd like you to be in charge of my funeral arrangements. Please take that burden from my mom. She won't be able to deal with it. I know I can trust you to follow through with the job and you'll see to it my final wishes are fulfilled even though you'll be a fucking basket case when you lose me.'
'What music do you want?'
'I have something huge to ask of you'
Yep, here it comes, hold on buddy!
"What is it, my dear?'
'I'd like you to be in charge of my funeral arrangements. Please take that burden from my mom. She won't be able to deal with it. I know I can trust you to follow through with the job and you'll see to it my final wishes are fulfilled even though you'll be a fucking basket case when you lose me.'
'What music do you want?'
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
OMG I posted this two days after I met Beca the Hitchhiker
My Tarot
You Are The Moon
You represent the unconscious side of life, what happens in dreams.
You are capable of great genius - but also of great madness.
Emotions tend to be primal for you, both your fears and your fantasies.
Your intuition is always right, listening to it is the difficult part.
Your fortune:
You are about to embark on a very important journey - and a very difficult one.
Some of your deepest dreams will be realized, as well as some of your deepest nightmares.
Follow your creativity and visions; stay away from your weaknesses.
You are taking a voyage to the center of yourself, and you may be pleasantly surprised by what you discover.
You Are The Moon
You represent the unconscious side of life, what happens in dreams.
You are capable of great genius - but also of great madness.
Emotions tend to be primal for you, both your fears and your fantasies.
Your intuition is always right, listening to it is the difficult part.
Your fortune:
You are about to embark on a very important journey - and a very difficult one.
Some of your deepest dreams will be realized, as well as some of your deepest nightmares.
Follow your creativity and visions; stay away from your weaknesses.
You are taking a voyage to the center of yourself, and you may be pleasantly surprised by what you discover.
As A Matter of Fact, There are 6 Reasons
1. I feel guilty that you have been risking your life, your freedom, and your reputation to be with me
2. I feel guilty that you sacrifice so much for me and have to completely support me financially.
3. I feel I am ruining your life. If I step aside it will open the gate to allow some other woman who truly deserves you to step in.
4. I am too emotionally unavailable to provide you with any support when YOU need it.
5. I feel torn in two because my best friend and my boyfriend can't stand each other.
6. This relationship is the closest I have been to anybody since Gary. (Father of her children who committed suicide in jail seven years ago)That makes me feel vulnerable and that scares the hell out of me.
2. I feel guilty that you sacrifice so much for me and have to completely support me financially.
3. I feel I am ruining your life. If I step aside it will open the gate to allow some other woman who truly deserves you to step in.
4. I am too emotionally unavailable to provide you with any support when YOU need it.
5. I feel torn in two because my best friend and my boyfriend can't stand each other.
6. This relationship is the closest I have been to anybody since Gary. (Father of her children who committed suicide in jail seven years ago)That makes me feel vulnerable and that scares the hell out of me.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Page 1, Paragraph 1 - very rough draft
I had no particular reason for making a right hand turn as I pulled off of old Highway 101. I just did. Could have just as easily turned left to head into Astoria. I just didn't. The simple task of depositing a check into the bank account was all there was to do that Monday. Seaside, in november, is as dead as small town America can get. The one hot, young, hitch-hiker bustling down the road was easy to spot even though bundled up against the wind...
Hi, thanks for stopping. do you think you can get me to the food stamp office by
5:00?
Lets see, its 25 miles away and we've got eleven minutes....lets try!
My name is Beca. so what's your story? You single, married, got a girlfriend?.........
Hi, thanks for stopping. do you think you can get me to the food stamp office by
5:00?
Lets see, its 25 miles away and we've got eleven minutes....lets try!
My name is Beca. so what's your story? You single, married, got a girlfriend?.........
Beca the Hitchhiker - First Drafts
The Break-Up Talk
I'm sorry. I can't meet your needs. I'm trying but I just can't. I'm incapable of it. And you deserve to have someone in your life who can meet all of your needs.
You know how people are, and you know the stereotype. When I'm gone people who are close to you are going to tell you that I have been using you all along. I want you to know that I've never used you. I have been with you because I wanted to be with you. Lately though, I feel like I am starting to use you. You don't deserve that, so I think that its best that I leave now before that happens.
The Break-Up Talk ( An Aside)
I hope you realize how much love and respect I'm showing you by doing this.
You're showing me love and respect by breaking up with me?
Yes. With every single other boyfriend I've ever had, I simply disappeared in the middle of the night. I can't help it, its my nature. I'm a runner.I can never face emotional turmoil. But out of love and respect for you, I had to stay around to tell you. You have been so good to me that I just couldn't do that to you.
The Beginning - Post Sex Talk
Look at me. I want us to look each other straight in the eye. You...are a wonderful man. You deserve everything. You have a good heart. You're kind, considerate, and loving. You're bright and funny, you have an awesome personality. You're good looking, and good in bed. I want to be sure that you know that!
I'm sorry. I can't meet your needs. I'm trying but I just can't. I'm incapable of it. And you deserve to have someone in your life who can meet all of your needs.
You know how people are, and you know the stereotype. When I'm gone people who are close to you are going to tell you that I have been using you all along. I want you to know that I've never used you. I have been with you because I wanted to be with you. Lately though, I feel like I am starting to use you. You don't deserve that, so I think that its best that I leave now before that happens.
The Break-Up Talk ( An Aside)
I hope you realize how much love and respect I'm showing you by doing this.
You're showing me love and respect by breaking up with me?
Yes. With every single other boyfriend I've ever had, I simply disappeared in the middle of the night. I can't help it, its my nature. I'm a runner.I can never face emotional turmoil. But out of love and respect for you, I had to stay around to tell you. You have been so good to me that I just couldn't do that to you.
The Beginning - Post Sex Talk
Look at me. I want us to look each other straight in the eye. You...are a wonderful man. You deserve everything. You have a good heart. You're kind, considerate, and loving. You're bright and funny, you have an awesome personality. You're good looking, and good in bed. I want to be sure that you know that!
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