So the Hollander used to know this couple. It was the most remarkable case of opposites attracting we have ever seen. The woman in the couple, we'll call her Wendy because its her real name and we know it will piss her off, was sitting way down south right smack on the negative pole. She used to work with us and we customarily picked her up each day because she didn't have a license, a car, or anything else. This was all SOMEBODY ELSE'S fault, of course. Without fail the first words out of her mouth each and every morning were "Well, the reason I'm pissed off today is..." Our first saying about her was that you could hand her a large bag filled with silver lining and she would dig through it madly because she would just know there had to be a dark cloud in there somewhere. Later we changed that to she could win a hundred gazillion dollars in the lottery and the first words out of her mouth would be "Great, now I haveta pay taxes!"
Her boyfriend Tony was one of those guys who only saw the upside of things. You could burn down his house, poison his little puppy, and tell him his grand daughter was in the hospital in a coma, and he would not budge his ass off that positive pole way up north. We used to TRY to piss him off just to see if he was capable of the emotion. The man saw something positive in any given situation or person. We thought we finally had him nailed when we challenged him to find something positive about Jeffery Dahmer. We told him how Dahmer had raped and killed little boys, after which he dismembered their bodies and buried them under his house. We told of how he was one of America's worst serial killers and how it had gone on for years. Tony paused for a moment and asked, "He was burying the bodies under his own house and this went on for years?" "Yes, it was horrible", we exclaimed. He smiled and said, "Well, he was a homeowner and paid his property taxes like any good citizen should, otherwise they would have taken his house away"
The Hollander prefers a little bit of balance. How about you?
5 comments:
besides having your serial killers mixed up, the only comment I would have to give is that both of those people would annoy the living hell out of me.
the yin-yang is one not two.
It worked for the story though. So now what was it Dahmer did? Was he the cannibal guy?
yeah, it think you were talking about John Wayne Gacy (if not sure how he spelled his last name).
both were pretty fucked up.
Thanks, Ted! You took the words right outta my mouth!!!
Oh no, I wouldn't blame anyone else for my back going out yesterday. I did that all on my own, all because I'm a stupid neatfreak!!!!heh. That Wendy sure sounded like a piece of work. At least her boyfriend tried.
heh. Yes he did. He was damn near as irritating as she was though.
Post a Comment