Not George Carlin

Another version of the infamous "BAD American" letter attributed to George Carlin appears below this message.
Chuck



No, I'm a good American

I am your worst nightmare. I am a GOOD American. I am not you.

I also believe that the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some mid level governmental functionary be they Democrat or Republican. I would prefer my government functionaries to be Libertarian or Independent.

I'm in touch with my feelings and why are you implying that I'm not, damn it!

I think owning a gun is an individual choice. It does not make you a killer, but it does make you a potential killer. Just ask my ex. She and I are both very fortunate that my rifle jammed on that one particular night. I also believe in registering all guns so that we, the people, can keep track of the heavily armed lunatics. I also believe in the Lynerd skynerd (sp) lyrics "Hand guns are made for killin', they ain't no good for nuthin' else".

I think that being an individual who belongs to a minority group does not make you noble or victimized. I think that being poor, or middle class for that matter, makes you a target for the rich and powerful.

I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, in Spanish, try to convince congress to restore funding to the English as a Second Language programs. Then take advantage of those programs when they are available.

I think fireworks should be legal all the time. I also think that all street drugs should be legal. People who are too stupid to handle either will soon kill themselves and thin the herd. Viola' no more drug problem.

I think that being a student at least means you are attempting to become enlightened. Of course, the very fact that you are working towards enlightenment means you can never achieve it. But that is a different argument for another day and I don't feel particularly Buddhistic at the moment.

I believe that everyone has a right to pray to his or her god when and where they want to, providing they are not forcing or coercing others to do the same. I believe in the separation of church and state. This concept is in place to protect both entities. Keep your government out of my religious beliefs and keep your church outta my public buildings.

My heroes are Joe Montana (the town, not the football player), Pink Floyd, Ted Vanderveldt (both the grandfather and the cousin), a self described commie-pinko-liberal-useless English Lit degree holding - wonderful hippie chick named Chantel, who calls me her confidant, and my dad. There are others, some of whom are reading this missive right now, you bastards know who you are!

A side bar about the lovely Chantel. She bought a newer used BMW at the urging of some of her Yuppie friends, and spray painted it purple. This describes her in a nutshell, which is where she says she is happiest.

I don't hate the rich - if they worked hard and earned every penny without ripping off the American people. I don't pity the poor - if they truly wish to live that way. However, if they have been eaten up and spit out by the system...

Wrestling? Well maybe with baby oil covered consenting lesbians. Otherwise, who cares?

I think global warming is a big lie. The powerful energy companies and their corrupt politition lackeys are lying to us that it does not exist. You are paying too much for energy, Mr. Carlin? Maybe you should look to people like Dick Cheney and Ken Lay.

I was never a slave either. Unless you go along with Hero Dad's analagy that in modern American society we are all just a bunch of midevel serfs with 182 channels of TV to give us the illusion of freedom. In fact the serfs had a better medical plan.

I want to know why Jimmy Swaggert and his ilk can afford to wear $5000 Rolex watches, yet still whine day after day for more money on international television. Also, how can they claim tax exempt church status while at the same time using their power to influence their will (not God's) on the public at large.

I think the cops should be a wee bit more careful about whom they shoot. I have a list which is too lengthy to include here, of several people who were shot for no reason other than the cops were overly aggressive. The one I will mention is the 13 year old black kid who was shot in the back and killed by the Gresham police. His crime? Being black in Gresham. It turned out that the boy was running from the cops because he was skipping school and didn't want his mother to find out.

Why would you care if your picture is on your driver's license or not? I don't remeber anyone insisting that we take God off of our money. Seems to me that's a good place for God (referring to my previous lines about church).

Yes, if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works you should not be electing the President of the United States. If you are a state Sue-Preme Court Justice or Katherine Harris, you also should not be appointing our president.

Those people you dislike who stand on street corners, they are already targets, dumbass.

I believe that it takes a whole society to raise a child. It does not, necessarly, take two parents. Should we take away some woman's children if she becomes a widow? Or should we force her into an arranged marriage with what we deem to be a suitable partner?

What the hell is going on with gas prices...still? Look to the White House. I told you to vote for John Kerry.

If this makes me a GOOD American, then yes, I'm a GOOD American

If you are a GOOD American too, please forward this to everyone you know.

We need our country back.

Signed,

Not George Carlin Any More Than The Writer Of The Original Draft Below